Not to be confused with the 80's horror flick- which is, amusingly enough, Canadian- or the 2000 documentary about horror movies, this post-Scream slasher revolves around a group of friends who confess their greatest fears to a local DJ on his call-in show on Halloween, only to find a female serial killer has overheard them and is determined to make them all come true in as horrific manner as possible. Well, most of them, anyway, as a few are wisely unwilling to divulge such a thing for all to hear- not that it stops the mysterious woman from stalking them anyway.
As it turns out, all this is not necessarily as random as it seems- there may be more of a motive to her madness than meets the eye. Based in part on the real-life killer Jane Toppan, a nurse who murdered at least 30 people in the New England area, circa the late 19th Century, the filmmakers have updated the material and relocated it to Texas, thus making the infamous Chainsaw Massacre not the only game in town anymore in the process.
Granted, this reasonably entertaining straight-to-DVD slasher doesn't rise to the levels of Tobe Hooper's infamous classic, but then, few horror movies do. What it does have is a decent sense of humor, lots of in-joke references for horror fans, and an indelible performance from classic-era Scream Queen Debbie Rochon, a name which should be readily familiar to horror fans that came of age in the late 80's and 90's, as she was voted "Scream Queen of the Decade" by Draculina magazine (that decade being the 90's), and having won multiple awards for her work over the years, including one for her role here.
Some of you may also know her for her columns for The Joe Bob Report (as in much-beloved "drive-in movie critic" Joe Bob Briggs) and Fangoria magazine ("Diary of the Deb"), and she has also written for Femme Fatales, Gore Zone, Videoscope, Sirens of Cinema and Chiller Theatre, among other magazines. She has also appeared on the covers of many of those magazines, in some cases multiple times, as well as many others, including Rue Morgue, Vampirella, Scream Queens Illustrated, Gotham, Alternative Cinema and The Dark Side.
Her many films (over 200 and counting) include the likes of: Slime City, Abducted II, Santa Claws, Tromeo & Juliet (co-written by director James Gunn, of Guardians of the Galaxy fame), Terror Firmer (ditto), Bleed, Final Examination, Nowhere Man, The Colour from the Dark (based on the tale from H.P. Lovecraft), Tales of Poe (based on stories by Edgar Allan Poe), Mulberry Street, Beg, Psychosamatika, Slime City Massacre, Richard the Lionheart (and its sequel, Rebellion), Dollface, Death House and her directorial debut, 2015's Model Hunger.
Another Scream Queen legend, Brinke Stevens, has a cameo here as the mother of the little girl leading lady Jessie (Brandy Little, Detention (aka Learning Curve), The Life of David Gale) babysits. Stevens, who sports a Halloween costume that should be readily familiar to her many fans, has also been in over 200 films, most of them genre-oriented, including The Slumber Party Massacre, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, Nightmare Sisters, Haunting Fear, Bad Girls from Mars, Teenage Exorcist, Jack-O, Mommy, Witchouse 3, Bleed, Cheerleader Massacre, Delta Delta Die, The Ouija Possession and many, many more. In short, if you're a hardcore horror fan, you've heard of them, and if not, you've got some explaining to do- and lots of movies to watch.
The rest of the cast is lesser-known, as tends to be the case with these ultra low-budget flicks (reportedly just $56,000!), but they're reasonably likable, save maybe Bruce (Kenyon Holmes, Pendulum), who seems to be inspired by a Bill Paxton-type, likely Chet from Weird Science, with a dash of Hudson from Aliens thrown in for good measure, so it's clearly by design. He's also among the first to bite it, so you don't have to deal with him long- and given what his stated fear is, he goes in fairly spectacular fashion, albeit more implied than shown- not that most guys would want to see such a thing, mind you.
There are a few exceptions, though. Johnny Sneed, who plays leading man, Wayne, has had a long career in Hollywood that continues to this day, including lots of TV work, including roles on The Guardian (he had a recurring role on that one), ER, Charmed, Friends (interesting in light of his role here, as he and friends spend a lot of their time at a Central Perk-style cafe), American Dreams (another recurring gig), NCIS (plue both of the spin-offs), CSI, CSI: NY, Boston Legal, House, My Name is Earl, Justified, Supernatural (he was "Jimmy Tomorrow" for those who remember that character), Parks and Recreation (another recurring gig, as William Barnes), Masters of Sex, Bones, Criminal Minds, House of Lies, Ray Donovan and 13 Reasons Why. So, if he looks familiar, that's probably why.
Chris Ryan, who plays the mysterious DJ, was, in fact, an actual DJ in Dallas, Texas, so that's why he's so convincing. He also ad-libbed most of his dialogue here, which is fairly impressive. Ryan parlayed his appearance here into other horror flicks, including Suburban Nightmare (also from writer/director Jon Keeyes, and featuring several of the cast members from this film), Fall Down Dead and From the Dark. However, perhaps as to be expected, his bread and butter came from his voice-over work, which includes lots of Anime dubbing, including Tokyo ESP, Ninja Slayer, Fairy Tail and Assassination Classroom.
Ditto Robert McCollum, who plays Tony. Indeed, McCollum was already a fairly established voice-over actor by the time he did this film in 2002, having done work for the popular Dragon Ball-Z, as well as B'T X and Detective Conan. Though he continued to work sporadically in film and TV, notably in Saving Jessica Lynch and the aforementioned Suburban Nightmare, far and away most of his credits lie in Anime, notably Attack on Titan, Psycho-Pass, Black Clover, Fairy Tail, Dragonaut, Soul Eater and Full Metal Alchemist- though there are plenty more where that came from.
Robert was married to co-star Kristin (who played Cynthia) at the time, which explains their easy chemistry. She also did a little voice-over work, though nowhere near as extensively as Chris Ryan and McCollum. She continues to work sporadically as an actress, having appeared in TV's Walker, Texas Ranger and Prison Break, as well as the critically-acclaimed TV movie Temple Grandin.
Kimberly Grant, who plays Jessie's ill-fated sister, Trisha, who bites it in the first scene, also has done a fair amount of Anime voice-over, notably Dragon Ball, Yu Yu Hakusho: Ghost Files and Fruits Basket. Cutie Hayden Tweetie, who plays Deanna, the other girl in the opening sequence, was also in Suburban Nightmare, Living & Dying (also with Little and from director Keeyes), Doom Room, The Harrowing and Dude, but may be best-known to you parents of a certain age as Sarah on the kids' show, Barney & Friends.
That's about it for semi-familiar faces, but it's par for the course for low-budget horror. I will say that the main cast really do seem like friends, and have solid chemistry, even if some of the pop-culture references seem a bit forced into their conversation, but that was de rigueur for horror at the time, thanks to Scream and Tarantino and the like, so it is what it is. Also notable is that, as in the last section of Scream, a clip from the classic Halloween appears. The other film shown on TV is Haunting Fear, a cute nod to Brinke Stevens, as she is in the film and her "daughter" in the film is shown watching it.
Between this, and the party the main cast attend, complete with an appearance from "shock-a-billy" band Ghoultown (who you might know from their song about horror hostess, Elvira), the Halloween vibes are strong with this one, though the beginning and end could have withstood a bit more of it. A small quibble, though, in the grand scheme of things, as the bulk of the film is heavy on the Halloween and features lots of horror references, notably nods to Flesh for Frankenstein, Psycho, The Vanishing, From Dusk til Dawn and When a Stranger Calls.
While the killer's motive is admittedly a bit muddled- she was formerly a nurse who lost her job because of complaints of erratic behavior by Trisha McClain (Kimberly Grant), hence her coming after Trisha, as well as her sisters Jessie and Misty- overall, this is a fairly effective slasher that has a solid score by Peter Gannon and David Rosenblad and decent cinematography by Brad Walker, who also did the honors on Keeyes' follow-up feature, Suburban Nightmare.
According to the behind the scenes doc, the idea was to always show the main cast in bright colors and Rochon's character bathed in darkness, so as to reflect their respective moods. As the film goes on, darkness takes over, for all the characters, in light of what they've all gone through. A pretty nifty idea, though it helps if you know both this and the killer's motives going in, as it makes all the difference. The first time I saw it, I didn't realize Jessie and Misty were sisters until after the fact, which would have made one of the twists at the end that much better.
Though a few have grumbled about the very end of the film, which sees Jane somewhat abandon her quest prematurely, clearly having an emotional breakdown, for me, it's saved by the fact that we not only see just how troubled she is- note all the medication- but that she has a previously unseen connection to another one of the characters, which makes a previous development in the film all the more chilling on re-watch, given that one of the characters trusts said character enough to leave a child with them.
Sometimes subtlety doesn't pay off as much as one hopes, but it can reward those paying close attention, so there's that. I noticed a lot of derogatory remarks about the film on IMDb and Amazon and the like, but it's clear a lot of what I just discussed got by them, as most of them missed the killer's motive altogether and clearly didn't watch the making of, which explains the stuff I mentioned really well, which, in turn, rewards future viewings, which I like. Anytime I can re-watch a movie and catch new things, I really dig that.
American Nightmare isn't perfect. The editing is choppy, some of the performances are a bit wooden at times, and, as I mentioned, you really have to pay attention or you won't quite get what is going on. In this day and age, people have a tendency to half-watch things while they check their phones and the like- those who do so during this film will likely be unimpressed and dismiss it as just another by-the-numbers slasher, but there's more going on here than meets the eye- you just have to work for it a little.
The film is readily available on DVD and on various streaming services, including Amazon- just make sure you have the right one, given the multiple films and TV shows with similar titles! Definitely worth a watch, especially around Halloween time, and Rochon is alone worth the price of admission, with Stevens a nice bonus. By all means, check this one out. 🎃
Author's Note: I didn't quite get around to watching a Halloween-themed horror flick over the weekend, but I have watched several non-Halloween-themed horror flicks over the last couple of weeks, so, rather than waiting until I did watch something that fit the bill, I figured I could go ahead and do a quick-cut style review collection of the horror stuff I did see so I could still offer up some new content to you all. After all, it's still horror, and 'tis the season and all.
Let's get it started, with my first review...
What if Superman, after falling to Earth and being raised right by a loving couple, went down a darker path than usual and ended up more of a super-villain than a superhero? Such is the premise of Brightburn, and it's a fascinating one, with loads of possibilities moving forward.
Granted, it's not completely unprecedented- Superman himself went rogue in Superman III, exhibited some iffy behavior in Man of Steel and the DC follow-up films and has gone to some really dark places in the comics as well (see here). Even so, Brightburn goes significantly darker overall than any of these, particularly in regards to his age at the time.
Say what you will about some of the stuff Superman has done over the years, he was at least an adult when he did them, and his actions were primarily directed at villains, save some of his run-ins with Batman, which got brutal. Here, the Superman proxy is just a middle school kid when he breaks bad, and boy does he go real dark, real quick. We're talking full-on murderous, not merely misbehaving badly.
This leads to some remarkably graphic scenes- this is definitely not a superhero movie for the kiddies, that's for sure. One of the best things about superhero movies finally breaking the "R"-rating barrier with movies like Deadpool and Logan is that it finally allows films to go where few have dared to tread in the past- the only ones I can think of are maybe the Blade films and Spawn.
The film is produced by James Gunn, whose brother Brian and cousin Mark co-wrote the screenplay together, and share their relative's quirky sensibilities. Only more so the kind of thing he used to do, back in Gunn's Troma days and his early Hollywood efforts like the Dawn of the Dead remake (which he wrote) and Slither (which he both wrote and directed), as well as the twisted pseudo-superhero flick Super, which gets a nod here.
Relative newcomer David Yarovesky (The Hive) does the directing honors, while the film stars Elizabeth Banks (The Hunger Games series, The Uninvited) and David Denman (The Office, Outcast) as the adoptive parents and Jackson A. Dunn (Shameless, Avengers: Endgame) as little Brandon Beyer, the alien who gains superpowers as he hits puberty with a vengeance.
The end results are pretty damn entertaining, especially if you like your superhero movies dark as a moonless night, or if you like the idea of a superhero horror movie. The film doesn't skip on the gore, with some of the FX even making me cringe a bit, which takes a lot these days, so make of that what you will- the car crash bit (emphasis on "bit") is pretty wow-inducing, and the film features any number of great stalk and kill sequences that don't necessarily go the way you might think- at least at first.
The Gunns know their horror, to be sure. I can't recommend this one enough- I was thoroughly impressed and I would be surprised if this one didn't make my Best of 2019 list. We'll see, but until such a time, you should see it, too, if you like the general premise- it's a lot of fun, and that kid is pretty damn good at being creepy. 😈
After a certain point, I started avoiding movie trailers like the plague because too many of them kept giving away major plot twists- in particular looking at you, Terminator Genisys and Pet Sematary remake- but inevitably I'm going to be exposed to at least a few as a moviegoer, in spite of my efforts to show up late, but not TOO late. One of the ones I did see was for this movie, and I remember thinking: well, I can skip that one, having just seen practically the entire film in a nutshell.
Well, as it turns out, I was somewhat wrong. Yes, the trailer gives away the general premise: a group of underage teens trying to get an adult to buy them booze run into trouble when an older lady agrees to do just that, but one condition- that the teens party at her house so that she can keep an eye on them and keep them out of trouble. Or is she the actual trouble? If you guessed yes, then you get the general idea.
But, as it turns out, the film actually has more going on than at first meets the eye. For one thing, it's directed by, of all people, Tate Taylor, of The Help and Get On Up fame, which also helps explain how he landed such a high profile cast for a horror movie, including Octavia Spencer as Sue Ann, aka the "Ma" of the title; Allison Janney as Sue Ann's crotchety boss; Juliette Lewis as the mom of the main teen character; Luke Evans (Beauty & The Beast) as one of the other parents; Missy Pyle (Mom, A Haunted House 2) as the trashy Mercedes; and Taylor himself as a local cop.
Sometimes directors working outside their traditional lane can lead to some interesting movies, i.e. Stanley Kubrick's The Shining, William Friedkin's The Exorcist, Richard Donner's The Omen, et. al. Ma is one of those movies. Screenwriter Scotty Landes' clever script concentrates on character in a way few horror movies do, giving one a chance to get to know most of the major players before going completely gonzo in the final thirty minutes or so.
We not only get to know Spencer's indelible Sue Ann well, we even learn to sympathize with her- at least until she starts dropping bodies left and right. Structurally, I found myself thinking of Brian De Palma's classic Carrie- if Carrie had managed to survive her ill-fated Prom Night and didn't strike out at her oppressors the night of the festivities, and instead stewed over things for a few decades before finally snapping, then you might have this movie.
Mind you, "Ma" doesn't possess any superpowers- unless you count her dope moves on the dance floor and her ability to throw a rager as special skills- but she certainly has a mean streak if you get on her bad side, and trust me, you don't want to do that. If certain elements of the film are predictable, especially to longtime horror fans, or even fans of, say, the more twisted breed of Lifetime true crime-style movies, then it doesn't make the film any less entertaining, thanks to that game cast and able direction and scripting.
Special shout-out to two of the teens in question: Diana Silvers (Booksmart) and McKaley Miller (Scream Queens), who play, respectively, the new girl in town, Maggie, and her new best friend, and resident troublemaker, Haley- those two are headed places, career-wise. While I figured out where the movie was headed more or less, I still enjoyed the ride, and it wasn't without twists not ruined by the trailer, which was a welcome surprise, and just as importantly, I really liked most of the main characters, especially Maggie and her mom and, of course, Ma. By all means, check this one out- it might just win you over like it did me.
The sixth installment in the ongoing Conjuring franchise, The Curse of La Llorona is basically a variation of the original Poltergeist, only with a Latin flair. Unfortunately, it also falls prey to the whole "white person problems" trope, as the female lead is, in fact, a white woman- in this case, Linda Cardellini. I mean, don't get me wrong: I'm a fan of her from way back- I actually watched Freaks and Geeks when it initially ran on TV back in the day, long before it became a cult item, and I've followed her career through the likes of the Scooby Doo movies and the more recent heights of her Emmy-nominated turn on Mad Men and her fantastic role on the dark comedy series Dead to Me.
My problem is not with her, but the fact that the filmmakers saw the need to insert a white person into the proceedings when there was no real need for it. I mean, there's plenty of Latina actresses that would have been fine in the part, from Salma Hayek and Penélope Cruz to someone like Eva Longoria or even Sofia Vergara, all of whom have decent followings and fall within the appropriate age range of a widow with two kids. I don't think it would have affected the box office one way or another- people who saw this went because it was part of the Conjuring-verse, not because of the race of the actors in question. Horror is pretty bullet-proof that way.
Anyway, it is what it is, and Cardellini's just fine as a social worker, Anna, who gets more than she bargains for when she's tasked with a welfare check of a Latino woman with two young children who may be in danger, or possibly even missing altogether. When she gets there, she discovers that the kids are there and relatively safe, but that their mother has seemingly gone off the deep end, keeping them locked in the closet, convinced that an evil known as "La Llorona" is after them and she is the last line of defense against her.
All concerned are brought in, with most, including Anna, thinking that the mother has lost her mind. Her kids are placed in a child services' shelter for the time being, where they are indeed kidnapped and later killed. Everyone concerned think it was the mother, but it soon becomes readily apparent that there was more going on than meets the eye, when Anna and her own kids start experiencing weird occurances at their own home. After a certain point, Anna herself is the subject of an investigation, as she scrambles to find out what is really going on.
The film is fine, as these things go, but it doesn't really bring much new to the table, beyond a fictionalized version of the classic "La Llorona" mythos. As tends to be the case in these movies, jump scares rule the day, and though the final set-piece in the house, as a renegade former priest (an indispensable Raymond Cruz, of The Closer and Major Crimes, bringing a welcome dose of wry humor to the proceedings) helps Anna out is not without tension, you can pretty much predict how all of this will play out early on, especially if this isn't your first ghost story rodeo, much less not your first Conjuring one.
Perhaps it would have made a difference if the director was Mexican himself, or if the movie had gone full Mexican, as I suggested, by jettisoning Cardellini in favor of a Mexican actress, but, given the script, I'm not so sure. It's not, as I said, that the film is markedly bad, it's just sort of bland and generic. I do think there's a decent film to be made from the "La Llorona" legend, but this, alas, isn't it. Nonetheless, it cleaned up at the box office, grossing a whopping $122 million on a mere $9 million budget, so you can count on more, probably.
Quite frankly, it may be the worst of the Conjuring-verse to date, though the first Annabelle was no great shakes. Still, that series course corrected with the second film- maybe this one will, too. You never know. Either way, director Michael Chaves has been hired to do the next proper entry in the Conjuring series, part three, for better or worse, with originator Wan knee deep in DC waters with the Aquaman series and various other endeavors. He doesn't do a terrible job here, so maybe he'll knock that one out of the park. We'll see. But yeah, this one is pretty skippable. 😞
I watched this one on Netflix on a whim, when I saw that it starred Modern Family vixen Sarah Hyland. I'm a fan of hers from that show, and thought it might be fun to see her in a horror flick. It revolves around a group of friends that are headed to Coachella, but decide to take a tour of various occult-related sites in Los Angeles en route, leaving a few days early to that end. Bad move, as they are subsequently drawn into various satanic shenanigans that only get progressively worse as the film goes on.
Oddly, Hyland, saddled with a thankless "good girl" role, is the least interesting thing in the movie, though, sadly, the main cast falls firmly into the whole "who can be the most annoying" trope, which will leave most viewers ready to see them bite it ASAP- never a good thing. There's Hyland's character's BF, David (Steven Krueger, The Originals) an entitled prick who goes out of his way to seem "edgy" but is anything but, and their Goth buddies, couple Seth (Justin Chon, the Twilight saga) and Elise (Clara Mamet, Neighbors 2- also the daughter of David and half-sister of Zosia, of Girls fame), who are the main ones spearheading the whole occult-driven thing.
This is one of those horror flicks where everyone seems to make the worst choices at every turn, and I know, without them, we wouldn't have a movie, but, trust me, even by dumb horror movie standards, this group is borderline mentally challenged. Case in point, they follow some Satanists to an isolated locale to see what they can see, then later on invite one back to their hotel, even after seeing her participate in a freaky ritual. If this had been the late 60's they'd have probably invited the Manson family over, too, given the Goth couples' fan worship of the crew. (They pay a visit to the house once occupied by Sharon Tate to take a selfie!)
I will say that the cult chick in question, Alice (Sophie Dalah, Dead Night, Night Drive) is the best thing in the movie, and the only time the film really comes close to being genuinely creepy is in the scene in the hotel where she goes full-on Satanist, much to the horror of all concerned. That's what you get for inviting a confirmed wackadoodle into the mix, idiots. All of this promptly leads to a downward spiral which most will be able to predict the endgame of moving forward, including the "twist" ending.
Hyland doesn't get much of a showcase here, but I suppose I've seen worse. However, I say that as someone who has seen a lot more B-movies than the average viewer, so take that with a grain of salt, as we're talking about a movie with a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, for whatever that's worth. Still, I watched it to the end, so that's something, I guess. Keep an eye on that Sophie Dalah, though- she might be one to watch in the future. As it stands, this one is imminently skippable. 😝
Well, that about does it for now. Thanks for reading, and keep an eye out for the next installment of Octoberfest soon! 🎃
If Transylvania 6-5000 was the perfect horror comedy for tweens and tweens at heart, then Stan Helsing is basically the teen equivalent, and all that entails. In other words, it's just that much more raunchy, trashy and sophomoric as the sort of thing a teenage boy would be into at that age, down to its juvenile obsession with girls, sex and boobs in general. In this film, it's not just men groping boobs- it's the girls as well. Because that's exactly the sort of thing a teenager- or a teen at heart- would write if they could make a movie at that age.
Perhaps needless to say, this won't be for everyone- the PC police need not apply to this one, to be sure. If there is a taboo to be broken, then you can rest assured it will be present and accounted for here. A random vampire stripper fantasy sequence? Check. Girls making out? But of course. Aren't-we-naughty-and-just-a-little-edgy gay jokes? Yep. "Wacky" cutaways to bizarre stock footage? It's here. The legendary Leslie Nielsen (Airplane, The Naked Gun trilogy) in drag? Sure- why not?
The plot, such as it is, deals with a video store employee, Stan (Steve Howey, of TV's Reba and Shameless) tasked with one last job before heading to a Halloween party: dropping off some videos to his boss' mother's house, which he only begrudgingly agrees to after his job is threatened. The problem is that she just happens to live in a gated community that is populated by a whole lot of weird people- and monsters and killers at seemingly every turn. Can Stan and his pals complete the task and more importantly, get out alive in the process? The answer is this movie.
Stan Helsing comes from one of the executive producers of the Scary Movie series, which should tell you right away the level of comedy we're dealing with here. Still, you know you're in trouble when the film literally has to spell out in the credits that it's a parody: as in: Stan Helsing - A Parody. Um, no shit. I kind of figured that out from the title, thanks. Though I would call this more of a spoof than a parody, really- parody as a word seems a bit too refined for what we get here.
For those few who don't get the joke, it turns out that Stan is, in fact, a descendent of the legendary Van Helsing, aka the man that brought down Dracula himself back in the day. Back in 2009 when this film was made, the film Van Helsing was still relatively recent, so most filmgoers, and certainly the ones this was being marketed to, would have gotten the reference, but it was still a good five years past, so I guess the filmmakers wanted to hedge their bets and make sure everyone knew what they were in for. That they felt they had to isn't a great sign.
Also not a great sign- the fact that what was probably the biggest name in the film (outside of Nielsen, who basically just has a glorified cameo), Kenan Thompson, isn't even on the poster, as seen above. I double-checked, and Thompson was indeed already on Saturday Night Live by this point, and had been for several years, so it wasn't as if he was just known to a select audience for, say, All That, Kenan & Kel or Good Burger.
Indeed, Thompson remains the movie's biggest name to this day, and that actually includes Nielsen, who is probably lesser-known to a younger generation than he is to those of us who grew up in the 80's or before. I mean, I get that the movie's called Stan Helsing, but damn, can't a brother even get on the poster? Hell, even most of the killers are on there, for God's sake. For shame.
Well, as it turns out, he's easily one of the funniest things in it, which granted, isn't saying that much, but still- he almost single-handedly makes it worth seeing at least once, so that's saying something. Granted, he doesn't have that much to work with here, but I can almost guarantee the majority of funny lines he has in the movie he probably made up himself, and he probably did it on the spot just riffing. It's that SNL/improv background- you can just tell he's making a lot of this up as he goes along, and wisely, the filmmakers let him go for it.
Another notable name in the cast is hottie Desi Lydic, who thankfully went on to bigger and much better things via MTV's entertaining teen series Awkward- she was the wacky guidance counselor that could use a lot of guiding her own damn self- and, more recently, as a correspondent on the Trevor Noah-led incarnation of The Daily Show, which remains her prime gig to this day.
She also made a bit of history as one half of a lesbian couple on the Disney Channel's Good Luck Charlie. This also wasn't her first crack at a spoof, having made her film debut in the similar Not Another Teen Movie. While that was just a bit part, she's front and center here, as Thompson's character's love interest, a ditzy masseuse and former stripper. It's a standard issue bimbo role, TBH, but Lydic admittedly gives it her all and goes for it with gusto, which is more than can be said for some actresses in comparable roles.
Still, she probably doesn't rank it high on her resume, nor should she, given that one of her most memorable scenes involves her being willingly ravaged by a rat. (A normal one, not a monster one, for those with visions of Gnaw or Rats: Night of Terror in their heads, lol.) I did get a kick out of the fact that she just randomly changed outfits throughout the film, thus implying that she had a bunch of alternate sexy Halloween costumes at her disposal and couldn't resist trying them all on for size.
Rounding out the main cast is horror semi-regular Diora Baird, who has a tendency to rest on her considerable laurels- and boy, is this the perfect movie for it- but is actually a halfway decent actress when she gets a halfway decent role, which sadly, isn't as often as she probably deserves. Unfortunately, when you lead as eye candy- she hit the scene as a Guess model- you tend to get typecast as eye candy. She's perfectly fine here, but she doesn't have much to work with, so that's a relative term in this case. Perhaps it's more accurate to say she does what she can.
Her films include: Wedding Crashers, Accepted, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, My Best Friend's Girl, Night of the Demons (remake), Hot Tub Time Machine, 30 Days of Night: Dark Days, Concrete Blondes and the delightfully-titled Young People Fucking. Aside from Crashers and Hot Tub, neither of which she has big roles in, she hasn't had a lot of hits- the TCM flick was probably the biggest she had a major role in- but she's relatively consistent as an actress, so she continues to work steadily.
She also has a solid amount of TV under her belt, including a recurring role on Shameless alongside her leading man here, Steve Howey; as well as guest roles on 2 and 1/2 Men, Law & Order: SVU, Psych, Angel from Hell and Cobra Kai. Some of you might also recognize her from music videos by The Black Keys, Garfunkel & Oates and Maroon 5, or as featured in Playboy and Maxim magazines, all of which highlight her obvious assets. She's gorgeous obviously, but I think with the right role, she could knock it out of the park- just look at what Lydic managed under similar circumstances.
Stan Helsing is pretty goofy, I'm not gonna lie, and it is definitely of its time- some of the humor is pretty cringe-worthy by today's standards, but it's also in keeping with what was popular at the time, which, in addition to the Scary Movie franchise, also included stuff like Epic Movie, Date Movie, Superhero Movie, Disaster Movie... you get the idea. Basically, movies that were about as inventive as their titles.
I mean, don't get me wrong, some of these movies have their moments- I kind of liked Date Movie and Not Another Teen Movie but, and maybe I'm admittedly biased here, they just don't hold up as well as the stuff I grew up with, like Airplane, Top Secret, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, The Naked Gun, etc.
I think the trick is that all of those movies spoofed a specific subgenre and mostly played it straight, whereas a lot of the more modern incarnations tend to spoof specific movies and throw in an awful lot of then-current pop culture references, which tend to date the movies horribly. Because the older ones tend avoid that sort of thing, they've aged a lot better than the modern ones.
Still, I gotta say, I laughed more at this one than Transylvania 6-5000, both of which I watched back-to-back. I guess that means I'm stuck more in my teens than my tweens, which is probably for the best. Like I said, some of the humor here has not aged well, even though it was only ten years ago, so those easily offended might want to stick with Transylvania, even though it has its fair share of problematic stuff, too. Actually, you might want to skip both, really, on general principle.
That said, I was moderately entertained, and I can't say I was all that offended- though it takes a lot for that with me, TBH- even while I acknowledge that some of the writing and situations were absolutely dreadful, and I felt sorry for the ladies in particular during certain scenes, if not in general. I mean, they can't really say they didn't know what they were getting into if they read the script, so you can't feel THAT sorry for them, but still, they're just talented enough that you can't help but feel they deserve better, at the very least.
But the film does has its moments, especially for horror fans- there's some quick, fun jokes at the video store (the Ring one made me laugh in particular) that one can't help but wish there were more of throughout, and the Freddy Krueger character gets off some good lines and has some funny visual bits, with various sight gags involving his claws being replaced by various other items, sort of like an ad-hoc Swiss Army Knife, only with the likes of a toothbrush, bottle opener and even a tube of lipstick!
It's also worth a mention that the actor playing the Jason knock-off was actually the actor who played the real Jason in Freddy vs. Jason, Ken Kerzinger. And the actor playing the gay porn director is none other than the actual director, Bo Zenga, which seems about right. Zenga, incidentally, also wrote and produced Soul Plane, which was even worse than this film, as well as producing the halfway decent actual horror film, Turistas.
This remains his lone directing credit- and his last credit overall, which seems about right. I think this film was one of the last of the spoof craze of the 2000's, so, much like Van Helsing, the character, one could rightfully say that it helped put the final nail in the coffin of the much-derided subgenre. I mean, it's not the worst spoof I've ever seen, but it's certainly not one of the better ones, either. But if you're looking for a pleasant enough silly Halloween-themed horror-comedy, it's at least watchable, I suppose, if only for the main cast.
Check it out, if you're hard up enough for laughs, I guess. It's pretty ridiculous, but it gets the job done, more or less, even if you might hate yourself a little for laughing a bit too hard at the more off-color jokes. But hey, what do you expect from the writer of Soul Plane? 😜
