Retro Review: Machete

Writer's Note: In honor of stalwart actor Danny Trejo's birthday, here's a look at his star-making turn in the awesome Machete! (In case you missed it, you can also read about my take on the fun sequel, Machete Kills, as well.)

This article was originally published in UAB's Kaleidoscope on September 4th, 2010. 

There have been fake trailers in movies going at least as far back as the Abrams-Zucker guilty pleasure that was the Kentucky Fried Movie, but Machete may be the first of them to actually end up being a movie itself.

Machete began its existence as a faux trailer accompanying director Richard Rodriguez’s installment of the Grindhouse double feature, Planet Terror. Of all the faux trailers, that one generated the most fan buzz, to the point that RR actually got the green light to expand it into a feature. 

One would think that there wouldn’t be a whole lot to add to the proceedings, especially after RR confirmed that 99% of the trailer would figure into the finished project, but, as it turns out, there’s a heck of a lot to recommend here, especially for fans of the underrated Grindhouse. Machete certainly belongs in the same wheelhouse, and also compliments some of RR’s previous films quite well, particularly the El Mariachi trilogy and From Dusk Till Dawn. 

Arguably the best feature of Machete is the opportunity it gave longtime character actor and perennial second (or third or fourth…) fiddle Danny Trejo to headline his own flick. Trejo has paid his dues and then some, so to see him in a leading role for the first time is pretty gratifying. And in his 60’s no less! No doubt Trejo had his fair share of fun, given all the massive bloodshed and butt-kicking going on here; not to mention the romancing…  

Returning from the trailer along with Trejo, are Jeff Fahey and Cheech Marin, both late of TV's Lost, as the man who hires Machete to assassinate the would-be senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro, who co-starred with Trejo previously in the classic Heat) and his preacher brother, respectively. If you saw the trailer, you know it’s all a set-up, and it isn’t long before Machete is on the run from all sorts of people, bad guys and good guys alike.  

On Team Machete are another Lost vet, Michelle Rodriguez (no relation to the director) as the possible leader of a grass roots effort to help Mexican immigrants, and Jessica Alba as an ICE agent. Leading up the bad guys are Steven Seagal, in his best role in many a moon, as a drug kingpin; Don Johnson as a vicious border patrol guard; and the aforementioned Fahey and De Niro.  

Also worth a mention is recently rehabbed jailbird Lindsay Lohan as- what else? - a junkie tramp that shoots internet porn with her still-foxy mother. Talk about typecasting! Lohan spends about 2/3rds of her screen time blitzed out of her gourd and naked, and the rest is spent in a nun’s habit blowing people away with a very big gun. There are also inventive, if laughable, uses made of a cell phone and large intestines, neither of which looks very sanitary. Yep, it’s that kind of movie.  

Perhaps needless to say, if you weren’t wowed by the original trailer, there isn’t a lot here that will change your mind. However, those simply looking for an expansion of the trailer will be pleasantly surprised at how much more was added, and will not be disappointed. De Niro’s fake campaign ads are a hoot, and you gotta love the death by low rider.

  
Trejo knocks it out of the park, as expected, and the supporting cast is mostly solid. Granted, Jessica Alba makes a pretty unconvincing cop, but then Alba isn’t exactly known for her acting skills. 

She’s hired here more for eye candy than anything else, and in that respect, she does as adequate a job as can be expected for someone who previously played one of the silver screen’s most unlikely strippers in RR’s Sin City adaptation. 

Michelle Rodriguez, on the other hand, is, as always, as convincing a tough girl as one could ask for, and sexy as all get out, even minus one eye. (If you have to ask…) 

It’s also a blast to see De Niro having more fun than he’s had in ages as the racist senator, who learns a few things along the way- sort of- and the continued career renaissance of character actor Fahey, who also cropped up to great effect in RR’s Planet Terror.  

But this is clearly Trejo’s show and he more than rises to the occasion. Machete may not top any critic’s best-of-the-year list, but it’s plenty enough fun to recommend, and even more fun to watch with a game crowd.

Here’s hoping, as the end of the film indicates, that Machete will return to kill again. Hey, someone’s got to stand up to the border patrol, right? Who better than Machete? 👹