I also had a free preview of various movie channels over the weekend, so I saw four new movies I'd never seen, along with re-watching a few movies I had seen but don't own and binge-watching various new shows. I'll try to do some reviews of those movies as well over the next week or so, and possibly even review some of the shows, too. We'll see.
In the meantime, here's my take on the cult classic monster movie...
Blood Freak doesn't take place on Thanksgiving, per se, but it does revolve around the fowl most associated with the holiday: the turkey. Indeed, you might have heard it referred to as the "killer turkey" movie or the "monster turkey" movie, which isn't entirely accurate- ThanksKilling would fit that description better- but it's close enough for disco, as one character in the movie might say. Either way, it's a turkey, all right.
(SPOILERS ahead, for those who haven't seen the film!)
The movie is about a Vietnam vet biker and recovering drug addict, Herschell (Steve Hawkes), that has the misfortune to help a girl, Angel (Heather Hughes), whose car has broken down, which ultimately gets him into all sorts of trouble. Not because of her directly, mind you, but because it leads him to meet her sister, Anne (Dana Cullivan), who is trouble with a capital "T."
Because Angel lives up to her name, and is a card-carrying religious fanatic, she warns Herschell not to get caught up in Anne's wild ways, which include hanging with swingers, druggies and hippies in general. At first, more interested in Angel, he does, but he makes the mistake of slighting a local drug dealer's girlfriend, who vows to get him back.
Shortly thereafter, Angel introduces her to her father, who owns a turkey farm. As a way of thanking Herchell for helping out his daughter, he offers the man a job and a place to stay for a while, until he gets back on his feet. In the meantime, he has Herschell do some odd jobs around the house, including cleaning the pool.
Unfortunately, Anne comes calling, dressed to kill in a bikini, and armed with a "special" joint that the dealer has given her, promising it won't get him "hooked." As this film is also sort of a throwback to the anti-drug propaganda films of the 30's and 40's like Reefer Madness or The Cocaine Fiends, where a mere hit was enough to turn one into a raving addict, so does Herschell become a slave to the weed here, begging for more almost immediately.
To make matters worse, the next day, Herschell begins working at the turkey farm, where two dubious "scientists" rope him into "testing" out their chemically-modified turkeys for some extra scratch.
Herschell agrees, chows down on some turkey, and once again, disaster strikes, as he goes into convulsions and becomes completely unresponsive. Panicking, the scientists take him to an isolated spot and dump him on the side of the road!
As if poor Herschell hasn't been through enough, he eventually comes out of it to find he now has the head of a turkey! Even worse, he's still addicted to drugs, but now he finds himself craving the blood of fellow addicts- hence the title of the movie. Murder ensues, as Herschell the turkey monster, stalks and kills fellow addicts in the area, following Anne's dealer around on the sly to identify them.
He does try to get help from Anne, who is horrified, but agrees, leading to some choice dialogue, as Anne muses what sorts of kids they might have, what with his current condition. Alas, Anne doesn't do much good, as her dealer won't say what he put in the joint- it's likely heroin, given that the dealer's own dealer is selling it to him on the side- and when she admonishes him, he drugs her and tries to use her as collateral to pay off his dealer for being late with his payments.
Fortunately for Anne, Herschell is still around, and he saves her from being raped and hunts down the dealer's dealer and cuts off his leg with a buzz saw that he conveniently finds in the area! (Fun fact: Herschell is named after none other than the "Godfather of Gore," H.G. Lewis, aka Herschell Gordon Lewis, who was known for making lurid-but-terrible gore-fests like this long before it was a common thing.)
Realizing Herschell is too far gone, Anne asks two of her hippie friends to help stop him, which they do, by hunting him down, decapitating him... and cooking him up for dinner! Lol. Now there's a Thanksgiving meal one won't soon forget!
Fortunately, it turns out to be only a hallucination, brought on by the deadly combo of heroin-laced weed and chemically-treated turkey, and Herschell wakes up soon after, back to normal, albeit still an addict.
When Anne's dad finds out what happened, he hits the roof, and goes to rescue Herschell, later arranging for Angel to pick him up and rehabilitate him at the drug addiction center she works at. Herschell eventually gets it together and he and Anne are reunited, with Anne likewise having gotten herself clean, felling guilty for what she got poor Herschell into, however inadvertently. The End. Don't do drugs, kids!
Throughout the film, in true Ed Wood-ian fashion, the director, Brad F. Grinter, appears on screen, choking down a steady stream of cigarettes- the film literally ends with him going into a coughing fit from all the smoking!- and warning of the dangers of the devil weed and the like.
He looks like one of those actors who got busted drinking and/or driving under the influence and was subsequently forced to do an anti-drug/alcohol commercial as part of their community service to stay out of jail. Which is to say, his heart clearly isn't in it, and he looks like two miles of bad road, rode hard and put away in a cold sweat.
Perhaps needless to say, the film is absolutely terrible. The cinematography violently clashes from light to dark from frame to frame, making Blood Rage look like the work of Dean Cundey in comparison. Ron N. Sill did the dishonors here, in his one and only cinematographer credit, though he went onto work as an electrician and gaffer on some decent stuff, like Iron Eagle, Prey of the Chameleon and the anthology TV show Monsters.
Meanwhile, the editing by Gil Ward- who also did the music, which admittedly isn't half bad (but only half good by definition)- is strictly amateur hour, with one scene after another fading to black, even if the scene isn't over! For instance, someone will walk out of a room, and the screen will fade to black, then it will resume within the same scene, in a different part of the house! This happens a LOT. Clearly, Ward should stick to music.
The film was co-written by Grinter and star Steve Hawkes, who also co-produced together. It was so bad that the financier backed out DURING production, and the two had to complete financing themselves! It's no wonder Hawkes later called it a "sad chapter in my life." He was better known for a series of Spanish-language Tarzan knock-offs, where his character had to go by "Zan" to avoid paying for the rights to the actual character, so that's saying something.
Meanwhile, Grinter cast the rest of the film using actors from the acting class he taught to help save money, and boy, does it show. Indeed, if it hadn't actually played in theaters, you could be forgiven for thinking it was a student film, given how horrifically acted, edited, shot and, oh, just how bad everything is. (Yes, I know there are some good student films out there, but as a former film student, let me tell you, they are far and few in between.)
Somewhat remarkably, Grinter's prior film, Flesh Feast, starred no less an icon than Noir favorite Veronica Lake, who also produced. Sadly, it was her final film- and it's just as terrible as this one, and then some.
His other films include the biker drama Devil Rider and the nudie cutie throwbacks Barely Proper and Never the Twain, the latter of which features the tag line: "He is possessed by the spirit of Mark Twain at the Miss Nude World Pageant," which sounds amaze-balls. Only in the 70's, folks.
So, yeah, Blood Freak is absolutely the worst. But it's also a lot of fun, from the wooden acting across the board- including from the director himself- to the laughable papier-mâché monster turkey head poor Hawkes is forced to wear throughout a good half of the movie. (The mouth doesn't move, so when he "drinks" his victim's blood, he has to scoop it into his cupped hands and drip it into his toothy beak, lol.)
All of this makes Blood Freak primo fodder for a Mystery Science Theater 3000-style roasting, though, to the best of my knowledge, it never cropped up on the show. Maybe it will on a future episode, now that the show's back. Either way, you and your friends can certainly do the job on your own, as it lends itself nicely to non-stop ridicule, to be sure.
Check it out- but only bad movie aficionados need apply! 😵
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