Writer's Note: First of all, big thanks to everyone for making the first installment of my Halloween franchise review the most-read thing on this blog to date. As I write this, there are- I shit you not- 666 hits and counting. I couldn't have planned it better if this were one of my Omen reviews!
Granted, I don't know how many of you actually read it, but thanks for clicking on the link anyway. Sorry if it was a bit on the long side. On the plus side, I can't imagine this one will be as long, as I have far less to say about it, for what will be obvious reasons to most of you who have also seen it. If you haven't, be advised, there will be spoilers.
Granted, I don't know how many of you actually read it, but thanks for clicking on the link anyway. Sorry if it was a bit on the long side. On the plus side, I can't imagine this one will be as long, as I have far less to say about it, for what will be obvious reasons to most of you who have also seen it. If you haven't, be advised, there will be spoilers.
Merriam-Webster defines "cash-in" as:
cash in - verb
1. To obtain advantage or financial profit
2. Halloween II *
Example of cash in in a sentence:
Rob Zombie's Halloween became the highest-grossing film in the Halloween franchise, so naturally, Dimension wanted to cash in on its success.
(* May not be in actual definition) 😈
After the success of Rob Zombie's Halloween, Dimension wasted no time in trying to nail down the director for a second installment, but Zombie was understandably hesitant, having felt he did everything he wanted to in his first film, and then some. After all, as I mentioned in my review for that film, his original intent was to cover only Michael's younger years for the most part, ending the film with Michael's escape from the sanitarium as an adult, aka where Carpenter's version begins in earnest.
However, the producers convinced him to compromise, with the first half of the film taking place during Michael's younger years and the second half comprising a "re-imagining" of the events of the bulk of Carpenter's original. The gambit paid off in spades, as the film became the highest-grossing in the franchise to date.
Be that as it may, Zombie balked at doing another one, forcing producers to seek out new blood. Several filmmakers were discussed before they landed on the French directors Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo, the madmen behind the twisted horror film Inside. However, producer Malek Akkad was unhappy with the pitch the two made of their vision for the film and returned once again to Zombie.
After upping his fee and promising him more control over the final results, Zombie finally relented and agreed to do the film after all, having had a full year to recuperate from the taxing first film. Encouraging him to do his own thing and ignore the "rules" of the established franchise, Zombie felt comfortable enough to proceed with the project and set to work hammering out a script for the second installment.
Opting to begin directly after the events of the first film, with the first section serving as a sort of redo of the original Halloween II, Zombie then set the remainder of the film two years later, as the various surviving characters of his first film dealt with the PTSD from the fallout of Part One. His initial intent was to make the film much more realistic, but he eventually added more fantastical elements as the script developed through its various drafts, such as the now-infamous "white horse."
If Zombie's first Halloween hit the ground running with vulgarity, this one starts at vile, with "hilarious" jokes about necrophilia by two coroners, quickly advances to disgusting, with its needlessly revolting scenes of hospital surgery and animal abuse (first Zombie, apropos of nothing, violently kills a cow, then he has Michael kill and eat a dog raw!) and then eventually becomes a virtual car crash of WTF-ery overall, not to mention a lot of things that make little to no sense.
To wit: Did any of the hospital stuff even happen, or was it- groan- all "just a dream"? Why, in all this time, didn't Laurie find out she was Michael Myers' sister before reading it in Loomis' book? Why would a traumatized survivor of a serial killer have a poster of Charles Manson over her bed? Why does Laurie fantasize about killing Annie, when she actually suffered more than Laurie did in the previous film? Why is Dr. Loomis such a raging douche-bag this time around? And seriously, what is going on with zombie mom and the white horse? (Yes, I saw the opening quote, but it's still bizarre.)
Don't even bother trying to answer any of this, as I'm sure Zombie himself doesn't know, either, and any attempt to try and justify it is ridiculous. Seriously, the bits with a younger Michael, his mother, and yes, a white horse, seems to have been beamed in and grafted from another film onto this one. It's almost like Zombie is work-shopping ideas he'd later use in his next movie, The Lords of Salem, and forgot which film he was working on.
It's hard to imagine anything being less subtle than Zombie's first Halloween film, but this one manages all the nuance of a sledgehammer to a jack-o'-lantern. It's a nasty film in every way, with very little to recommend about it, but I'll try and find a candle to light your way. I have a friend- many of us do- who always managed to find something nice to say about anything and anyone, no matter what, which is a nice quality to have, if a bit deluded at times.
Anyway, after seeing this, I asked him what redeeming qualities the film could possibly have and he said, without skipping a beat: "The cinematography was great." True enough. So, props where they're due to cameraman Brandon Trost. The film does indeed have some striking sequences, from the viewpoint of looking amazing, even if there isn't much substance to what's going on.
For instance, as silly as they are, the bits with Michael and his mother are lovely to look at, especially a black-and-white bit that functions as yet another dream sequence. The scene at the end with Michael's mother and the horse walking down a white corridor is also very stark and haunting. There are also some sweet, sweeping shots of Michael walking through a field.
Granted, many of these same scenes, along with the others like them, are meant to be rife with symbolism and hidden meanings and the like, but I don't think there's really that much going on underneath the surface, really. They're lovely to look at, but hollow, with about as much substance as Dr. Loomis' pithy statements at one of his lectures or book signings. Who knew Zombie was such a Freudian? I thought for sure he'd be more inclined to Jung.
From there, things don't get much better. I will say that at least Zombie doesn't have every girl in the movie get naked before she's killed, as in the first film. Okay, granted, there is a bit with a naked stripper, but well, she is a stripper, so it's somewhat justified. However, Zombie could have shown Danielle Harris clearly nude and getting hacked to death like he did in the first film, but he opted for most of it to take place off-screen and be implied more than shown, so... progress, I guess? (That doesn't stop him from covering the room she's killed in in an insane level of blood, though.)
Unfortunately, instead of gratuitous nudity at every turn, he instead has sickening violence, way more than in the first film, even in its unrated form. I don't mind gore at all, when it's used well- some of my favorite horror movies are gory as all get-out, such as Dawn/Day of the Dead (the originals), the Evil Dead movies, the Re-Animator trilogy, Brain Dead (aka Dead/Alive) and so on.
But here, it's just humorless and brutal, and gives new meaning to the word overkill. Why stab someone a few times, when you can hack them to pieces? Why break their neck when you can stomp on their face until it's mush? I wasn't grossed out so much as I was groaning at the senselessness of it all.
You can make an argument that the first film was in keeping with Zombies' other work, and indeed, the audience I saw it with seemed to have a lot of fun with it. But Halloween II, not so much. No one I saw this with looked to be having a good time, and there were even some walk-outs, and mind you, that was the theatrical cut.
I once read a review of Pet Sematary that talked about how the film seemed to have contempt for its audience. I didn't understand what the critic meant until I saw this film. It seems like Zombie not only has contempt for the audience, but even more for himself for doing it in the first place.
I think he knew deep down he was doing this strictly for the money and that's why it has such a dark, humorless vibe that makes it a chore to sit through. Occasional cool cinematography aside, this is just an ugly, ugly film, down to its hollow core.
Music-wise, the film doesn't even feature Carpenter's memorable themes, re-worked or otherwise, until the credits roll, replacing them with a sort of meh-inducing standard horror score by Tyler Bates, best-known for his work with director James Gunn and who has served as Marilyn Manson's lead guitarist and producer since 2014.
As with the first film, though, this film does have some okay classic rock tunes scattered throughout, such as The Moody Blues' "Nights in White Satin," MC5's "Kick Out the Jams," and Foghat's "I Just Want to Make Love to You," plus- filling in for the previous film's WTF selection Peter Frampton- 10cc's cheese-ball "The Things We Do For Love," as well as some cool metal and punk (Bad Brains, King Diamond, Motörhead, Void).
Finally, there's a handful of tunes from the fictional psychobilly band, Captain Clegg & The Night Creatures, which is actually Zombie and singer/guitarist Jesse Dayton, who previously did the honors for Zombie's The Devil's Rejects as the also-fictional Banjo & Sullivan.
Both "bands" put out albums in conjunction with the release of their respective films, and Clegg (aka an in-character Dayton with a backing band) actually toured with Zombie in 2009-2010. The DVD also features several music videos for the band, shot around the same time as the film. The band's stuff is reminiscent of a more country-flavored version of the legendary Cramps and is a lot of fun for what it is.
Beyond that, I'm hard-pressed to come up with much positive things to say about the film. I suppose the cast is halfway decent, though newcomer Chase Vanek, taking over the role of a young Michael after original actor Daeg Faerch grew too tall to do it convincingly, just doesn't have the inherent gravitas that his predecessor had; and Sheri Moon, so good in the previous film, seems to be sleepwalking through her role this time around- almost literally, given the nature of it.
The rest of the returning cast is solid, though, especially Danielle Harris, easily the most sympathetic character in the movie, who has to put up with a load of shit from Scout Taylor-Compton's Laurie, who unfairly blames her for being a constant reminder of her own trauma, despite the fact that Annie got it way worse than she did.
I get that Laurie is suffering from PTSD, but damn, cut the girl some slack- you are living in her house, after all, and it's not as if Annie doesn't have her own trauma to deal with. As a direct result of her near-constant moodiness and general bitchy attitude, Laurie is pretty insufferable in the film, though, as a former psych minor, I will allow that sometimes survivors of this sort of trauma do act in similar ways to what we see here. Doesn't exactly make it a joy to sit through, though Compton is good in the role.
Brad Dourif is also solid and has more screen time here, but Malcolm McDowell sadly turns Dr. Loomis into a caricature of his former self, hitting on reporters, barking orders and sexist comments to his beleaguered agent, and spouting out clichéd psychobabble and remarks that could well serve as criticism of this movie itself, but are clearly meant as slights to Zombie's critics, of which there are many. (Note the slams on "journalists," a thinly-veiled dig at Zombie's IRL critics.)
In terms of the latter, at one point Loomis grumbles about how "bad taste is the petrol that fuels the American Dream"- is that an admission that this movie is in poor taste and Zombie knows it? Like I said, the contempt in this film is palpable, and so is the self-loathing. It's as if Zombie said: you wanted me to take the depravity to another level, you got it. I'm gonna hate myself for it in the morning- but I'm gonna make sure you do, too.
The only other film I can think of that's worse, in terms of this sort of thing, is M. Night Shyamalan's dreadful The Lady in the Water, in which he has Bob Balaban playing a snooty critic as the ultimate loser and casts himself as a heroic author! A little on the nose there, Shyma-lama-ding-dong.
Although, I suppose it might have helped alleviate the oppressive vibe of the film had Zombie himself shown up in it, perhaps in a fashion not unlike the opening of Zardoz, with his bouncing head telling us, the audience, of his intentions throughout the film at crucial intervals. "Behold! Witness the glorious White Horse, so full of Symbolism and Meaning!" Had that happened, it might have dipped the film into gloriously campy Ed Wood-style waters, but no such luck.
That said, there is one fabulous moment when the film threatens to go completely off the rails, and Chris Hardwick and, of all people, "Weird" Al Yankovic, show up, seemingly from an alternate universe where this movie might have been a lot more fun (as opposed to the one occupied by Myers, his mom and the ever-present horse).
Now, Hardwick, I get, as he was in Zombie's House of 100 Corpses and the two go way back as friends. Interestingly, this role proceeds Hardwick's later dominance as the go-to after-show host on AMC and as a successful pod-caster that formed his own production company, Nerdist. In a way, his turn here could be seen as an audition for both, as Hardwick is clearly in the zone as a faux talk show host.
How Yankovic got involved in this is beyond me, but he could not be more welcome. Honestly, I would rather watch a two-hour episode of Hardwick's fake talk show with McDowell and Yankovic than this movie. Yankovic's joke comparing Michael Myers to comedian Mike Myers is also amusing and the best such joke until writer/director Edgar Wright one-upped it in last year's excellent Baby Driver, in a scene in which a dim-witted would-be bank robber is told to get Michael Myers masks and comes back with Austin Powers ones instead. Because, you know, Mike Myers, get it? 😛
That's about as good as this movie gets, regardless, in spite of a solid cast that also includes horror vets Caroline Williams (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2), Margot Kidder (Black Christmas, The Amityville Horror), Richard Riehle (Hatchet, Texas Chainsaw 3D), Brea Grant (Midnight Movie, Beyond the Gates), Angela Trimbur (The Final Girls, XX), Diane Ayala Goldner (Feast 1-3, The Collector), Betsy Rue (My Bloody Valentine 3D), Duane Whitaker (Leatherface: TCM III, Feast) and Daniel Roebuck (also of The Devil's Rejects and 31).
Fun Fact: Roebuck is another returnee from Halloween, but was all but cut from the first film. To make it up to him, Roebuck has a much juicier role here- including a romp with a fully nude stripper- as the owner of the infamous Red Rabbit strip club where Michael's mom danced, who seeks to capitalize on it. Guess how that turns out for him?
In addition, Zombie also features cameos from Howard Hesseman (TV's Head of the Class and WKRP), Octavia Spencer (The Shape of Water, Drag Me to Hell), Silas Weir Mitchell (TV's Grimm, Prison Break), Bill Fagerbakke (TV's Coach, Patrick on Spongebob Squarepants), Mary Birdsong (Reno 911, The Descendants) and Dayton Callie and Mark Boone Junior from Sons of Anarchy. Impressive cast, all told- too bad Zombie doesn't give most of them much to do.
And the less said about Myers himself, played by the hulking Tyler Mane, the better. There's a podcast I listen to, Hollywood Babble-On, whose co-host Ralph Garman went off on Man of Steel, calling it the "hobo Superman" movie. Well, this is the transient Michael Myers movie.
The guy literally looks like a bum, down to digging through the trash- and spends a significant amount of time with his mask off, which is a big no-no. He even talks at the end of the film, at least in the unrated version. That's a big old nope right there.
The mask doesn't look right, either. I just don't get why Zombie even fudges the stuff he got right the first time around, too. Oh wait- yes I do: he doesn't really want to be there. Neither will you. Oh wait- I was supposed to be talking about the good things in this movie- whoops.
Sorry- that's about all I got, in terms of positive attributes, TBH. I could do an article alone on the things I don't like, but why bother? I'll just leave well enough alone and say that this movie makes Zombie's Halloween look like the Citizen Kane of slasher movies in comparison. Zombie never lied about hating slasher movies- with this film, he's made one of the all-time worst, to be sure, and his hatred of the sub-genre blares through the screen at you.
I've said it before and I'll said it again- if you want a quality genre movie, get someone to do it that loves the genre, not someone who's a work-for-hire. You do the former, you'll get someone who does their best to be worthy of the genre they're working within- even if they fail, it'll be a noble failure. But if you hire someone who's in it for the money and you get something like the travesty that is Halloween II.
Mind you, I'm a hardcore slasher movie fan- the original Halloween was one of my gateway drugs into the horror genre, and I've seen a good hundred of them, if not more at this point, and I'm here to tell you, this is truly one of the worst. I'll take the no-budget/little talent likes of Evil Laugh and Girls Nite Out over this film any day, and I know those movies are bad, but at least the filmmakers' hearts were in it.
Zombie slogs his way through this thing like he can hardly wait for it to be over, and even worse, he drags it out for a near-interminable almost-two-hours. In fact, there's another big debit right there- no horror movie should be much longer than ninety minutes and some change, at best. About the only ones I can think of off the top of my head that somewhat justify it are The Shining and the Scream movies and the latter movies in particular are a lot of fun, especially for horror fans. This one, not so much.
Moviegoers sensed it too, which is why this film only made about $39 million (on a $15 million budget, mind you), compared to the $80 million Zombie's first one made on the same budget. Audiences know a stinker when they see it, and you can bet the film made most of that on its opening weekend, before negative word-of-mouth spread. I'd advise you to skip it, too, if it's not already too late- but I imagine it is, or you probably wouldn't be reading this.
Join me next week for my takes on Halloween 4 and 5, the beginning of Jamie's story, also featuring a young(er) Danielle Harris in said role. Will she be the best thing in those movies as well? Find out next week! 🎃
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