Well, another Christmas is in the books, and Lord knows, 2018 couldn't end fast enough for most of us. But before I covered a few New Year's Eve-themed goodies, I wanted to take a quick look back at the Christmas horror I watched over the last few weeks.
Of course, a lot of the last month was spent covering the Silent Night, Deadly Night franchise, and the end results were decidedly mixed. I'm not sure if it's because the following for the series is minimal compared to the followings for my previous franchise review subjects, The Omen and Halloween, or if everyone simply was too busy with the holidays to do much reading online- perhaps a bit of both, TBH- but the numbers for the former positively paled in comparison to those of the latter two series.
Whatever the case, the most-read reviews in the series were, respectively, the original- as it should be, no doubt- followed by my introduction to the series and SNDN 5, which were tied for second. After that, there's a bit of a drop off, but suffice it to say, the numbers for my reviews for SNDN Parts 2, 3, 4 and the remake, Silent Night, were all so close, it's practically a four-way tie.
That basically indicates to me that those who read one, basically read them all, which is good, with the numbers only spiking significantly for the intro and the original, which makes sense. So, my final assessment is that you guys do overall seem to dig my franchise reviews, but a lot does depend on the franchise.
As such, I will likely tackle the biggies moving forward, the next time I do another one. I'm thinking Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Saw, Evil Dead and maybe the Child's Play/Chucky movies and Phantasm series. I'm not sure which I'll do next, but if you have an opinion, let me know in the comments below, or via social media.
In the meantime, here's a quick look at some of the stuff I watched over the holidays!
First up, there's Alien Raiders. Of the movies I'm about to review, it has the most significant cast, especially if you're an avid TV watcher like I am. It's also the one where Christmas plays the least significant part, I might add, which, on the plus side, means it lends itself better to watching any time of the year.
The plot is basically John Carpenter's version of The Thing set in a grocery store. At first, it comes on like a heist movie, with a group of heavily armed men and one woman descending upon a grocery store right as its about to close, presumably to rob it. However, as it goes on, that's clearly not the case, as they start shooting some people, seemingly at random.
As the film goes on, we find there's a method to their madness, as it becomes clear that they are looking for specific people that are likely carrying an infection of some kind. (The title hints as to what the origin of the disease may be.) In time, we realize that one of them has the ability to detect said infection, but things go sideways when that person is killed.
Shortly thereafter, the cops arrive and a stand-off ensues, with the group only making one demand: the release of a prisoner elsewhere in the state. The reason being that she can also detect the infected, but, of course, the longer they stay trapped there, the higher the risk that one of them is themselves infected.
In the meantime, they run some elaborate tests to try and determine who is infected and who isn't, a la the blood test in The Thing. As you might guess, trouble ensues, both from the testing, and from hostages going rogue and trying to escape. (Shades of The Mist as well.)
Alien Raiders is a nifty throwback to the sorts of movies that were all over cable and home video in the 80's and 90's, but it was actually released in 2008. Only certain tech used in the film gives away the more modern trappings, though- otherwise, it could practically pass as one of those films, and I mean that as a compliment.
The solid cast includes a lot of TV vets, including Carlos Bernard (24) as the team leader; Matthew St. Patrick (Six Feet Under, Sons of Anarchy) as the cop in charge of hostage negotiations; Rockmond Dunbar (Sons of Anarchy, Prison Break) as a hot-headed member of the siege team; Courtney Ford (Dexter, True Blood, Supernatural) in her first big role as the scientist of the team; and Jeffrey Licon (Joan of Arcadia, The Brothers Garcia) as the young hero grocery worker that tries his best to keep the peace and keep anyone from getting killed.
The film is co-produced by Daniel Myrick, of The Blair Witch Project fame, and was the debut feature for Ben Rock, who was a classmate of Myrick's and served as the production designer on that film. Rock was the one who created the infamous "stick man" figure and was the writer and director of the mockumentaries The Burkittsville 7 and Shadow of the Blair Witch, which many thought were better than the proper films in the series- myself included. He also wrote the Curse of the Blair Witch mock-doc as well, another good one.
Alien Raiders is well-worth checking out, and clocks in at a taut 85 minutes, a fair amount of which is devoted to the ever-popular slow-crawl credits, but honestly, it's no longer than it needs to be. It just tells the story at hand and gets in and out, faring better in its quest than the hapless team does in theirs, at least.
A solid contender for a double feature with Raiders is the tongue-in-cheek Massacre on Aisle 12, which, like that film, is what is typically called a "bottle" flick- or a movie that takes place in one location. It's a clever way for low-budget filmmakers to cut down on costs by minimizing location shooting to one primary locale, often adopted by horror filmmakers.
In this case, the film takes place in a hardware store, right around Christmas, though the Xmas trappings, as with Raiders, is limited to a few casual decorations, and, in this case, an appearance by a man dressed as Santa, complete with his dubious helper, a scantily-clad "elf" that is later not surprisingly revealed to be a stripper. I'm not sure when hardware stores started having in-store Santas, but whatever.
Fun fact: the girl in question, Amber Jean, isn't just a real-life dancer and model- she's an executive producer on the film! Talk about putting those dollar bills to good use, lol. That probably explains why she doesn't get naked, though- sorry, guys. (Don't worry- someone else does- no fool she, that Amber. Note also her prominent placement on the movie poster.)
The plot revolves around a group of workers at the store who discover a dead guy holding a bag of cash stashed in a trunk in the stock room and who immediately want to split up the money and make a break for it. One of the workers wants to call the cops, but he is outvoted, and in no time, everyone starts to turn on one another, as tends to be the case in movies like this. (See also A Simple Plan.)
The end result is akin to something like Murder Party, which is to say, a black comedy of errors, where people start ending up dead, many of them accidentally, as everyone frantically tries to fend for themselves. It also functions as a bit of a spoof of movies like Die-Hard, with in-joke nods to everything from Lethal Weapon to Ghostbusters.
Not unlike Clerks, the idea for the film sprung from the real-life experiences of co-writer A.J. Via, who worked in a similar type store and based many of the characters on people he worked with. The film was directed by William McCullough (also an actor- he was in Logan Lucky and on TV's The Gifted) and Jim Klock (another actor-turned-director- he was on TV's Scream Queens and True Detective- and the co-founder of Code 3 Films, which co-produced the film).
It's ultra low-budget, and the cast is made up of basically unknowns, though Chad Ridgely, who all but steals the movie as the maniacal Jack, has a small role in the next Quentin Tarantino movie, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. In addition, I just adored the snarky Goth-chick type, Melissa Saint-Amand, who also had a recurring role on Netflix's Ozark this past season.
All in all, it's a fun little movie, and if the end results seem a bit like a glorified student film, that doesn't make it any less entertaining in the moment, though, for that reason, it won't be for everyone. It is clever the way the film keeps you guessing as to who will be left standing, though the film tips its hand on that, to a certain degree, in the opening scene.
A rogue Santa (played by one of the directors, BTW) and his stripper elf notwithstanding, this isn't a very Christmas-friendly movie, either, so let's get to the ones that are. First up, there's the trashy-but-fun All Through the House, which sets its tone early on with some gratuitous nudity and a guy having his ween chopped off- and neither for the last time. (The killer has quite the collection of the latter by the film's end!)
Perhaps needless to say, you'll know if you're in or you're out within that first sequence. That said, if you like a good slasher, least of all a Xmas-themed one, then you should like this, more or less. The killer dresses as Santa, albeit an especially creepy one (see poster), and there is a small fortune spent on decorations, especially inside and outside the house where most of the action takes place.
The plot revolves around a young woman, Rachel (Ashley Mary Nunes), who comes home for the holidays and begrudgingly agrees to help her neighbor, Mrs. Garrett (Melynda Kiring) decorate for the holidays, in part out of guilt for the fact that her daughter, a childhood friend, went missing when Rachel was a kid, never to be found, and Garrett has been a recluse ever since.
Meanwhile, the aforementioned killer Santa is roaming the streets in the neighborhood, killing "naughty" women and castrating the men, for unknown reasons. One amusing bit has him invading the home of what turns out to be two lesbians. Denied his "keepsake," he takes a handy vibrator instead! Hey, any port in a storm, I guess.
While clearly low-budget, the film looks pretty decent, and makes good use of its colorful surroundings, with cinematographer Ryan J. Anderson often lighting things like a long-lost Dario Argento film from the 70's, which is to say, with lots of primary colors. The director is Todd Nunes, aka the leading lady's brother, so it's obvious how she got THAT job. (Nunes also did the honors on Here Comes Santa, an obvious dry run for this movie.)
That said, sister Ashley is good in the role, especially later on, when the plot takes some tricky turns. The two have worked together on previous projects, notably Scary Larry, and are currently working on a remake of the oddball cult film Don't Look in the Basement, entitled Death Ward 13, co-starring former Misfits guitarist Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein (not his real name, I'm guessing, lol) as the main villain.
Another low-budget film on the trashy side is Slay Belles, which is very Troma-esque and silly, but fun. It revolves around a group of "urban explorers," which is something I'm actually fascinated by. Basically, the girls seek out abandoned theme parks and tourist traps and surreptitiously film a web show there on the down-low.
I first became aware of such things when I happened upon one of these videos shot by real-life urban explorer Adam "The Woo" of the former Disney water park River Country, which I loved as a kid. Oddly, for reasons too elaborate to get into here (click here for more), it wasn't just shut down, it was abandoned by Disney and simply left there. Watching the footage, it's almost as if someone Roanoke'd the whole place and everyone just vanished. It's all pretty creepy.
Another such locale is Santa's Village, aka Santa Land in the film, where some of the action here takes place. (For more on the real deal, click here.) It's also worth mentioning that Adam "The Woo" himself served as an adviser on the film and provided some archival footage he dug up when researching the lost theme park.
In this case, we have three "Adventure Girls" shooting some footage there for their web show when they run afoul of the notorious Krampus. Enter Santa Claus himself, played by Rocky Horror Picture Show's Barry Bostwick as a sort of old-school biker type, to help the girls survive and hopefully save Christmas in the process.
The girls are played by Kristina Klebe (Rob Zombie's Halloween) as Alexi, the reluctant one, newly invited to join the group; Susan Slaughter (an IRL "Ghost Hunter" and self-proclaimed witch, from Ghost Hunters International and the movie Ouija House) as Dahlia, a Jessica Nigri-like cosplayer type and the bad-ass of the group; and Hannah Wagner (aka former YouTuber Mistress Hannah Jinx or Miss Hannah Minx, a cosplayer-turned actress, also of the movie The Devil's Carnival) as sexy Sadie, the wild card of the group.
The girls are all fairly likable and have great chemistry- and yes, one of them gets naked (Slaughter), though the emphasis is more on gore than gratuitous nudity, so don't go in expecting a T&A fest, though the girls are certainly scantily-clad throughout. It plays more like a tame Russ Meyer flick with healthy dollops of Troma-style humor and gory deaths. The FX is surprisingly not bad, and the Krampus in particular looks pretty awesome.
I didn't expect much from a director who calls himself "Spooky" Dan Walker, but this flick, co-produced by Saw and Repo! The Genetic Opera director Darren Lynn Bousman, is actually a lot of fun and perfect party movie fodder for the right kind of crowd, i.e. the not overtly PC people. Even though the girls are wearing skimpy outfits, they are still well-drawn and have distinct personalities, and the actresses seem to be having a ball, which makes the flick all the more enjoyable.
And at just over on hour and some change- plus the return of the slow-crawl credits to pad things out to 75 minutes, it's a minor commitment, time-wise. Granted, some of the supporting cast is pretty bad, acting-wise (almost to be expected in a film like this) and some of the cinematography is a bit out of whack, lighting-wise, but overall, it's a fun little movie, with a cool twist at the end that allows for a sequel. Too bad about that oft-grating score, though. I like some EDM just fine, but a lot of what's in this movie is annoying AF.
Last but not necessarily least, we have Once Upon a Time at Christmas, a weird little British flick that revolves around a Mickey-and-Mallory-Knox-type couple that dub themselves Mr. and Mrs. Claus, and dress accordingly, and go around terrorizing a small town, blatantly mass murdering the denizens of the town with nearly each passing day in the run-up to Christmas.
Before long, a pattern emerges that helps the local law enforcement figure out what the two are up to, while a more personal connection leads our main heroine, Jennifer (Laurel Brady) to realize who the main killer is, and why he is bumping off people with links to her.
The mystery element is a good idea, but the movie admittedly fumbles the ball in the way it doles out information, making what's really going on, from the MO of the killers to the identity of the psycho Santa obvious to everyone but the characters themselves, which is too bad, as there's a good movie in here somewhere.
Not helping matters is the mostly wooden acting, though Simon Phillips (the White Collar Hooligan series), as the killer Santa, is actually understated and quite good, rising above the material he's been given in a worthwhile way that bodes well for his future as an actor. Meanwhile, the histrionic Sayla Vee (see what she did there?), as Mrs. Claus, seems to be aiming for Harley Quinn, but lands firmly at the feet of Sheri Moon Zombie, circa House of 1000 Corpses, and not in a good way.
The rest of the cast is mostly bland, which makes it tough to care about their fates. (Although redhead Susanna Mackay, seen above, is a looker and has some real verve.) Even crazier, the accents here are all over the place, from American to Canadian to British, making it tough to tell where the hell this is all supposed to take place. While its at least explained why the Santa character is British later on, no attempt is made to have everyone else talk in a uniform accent throughout and it's pretty distracting.
The cinematography isn't bad, though, and the film gets off some fairly impressive shots, particularly some overhead ones that help establish how isolated the town is from the outside world, a matter not helped by the increasing amount of snow around. The special effects, though, are bargain basement, and quite obviously stuck in via CGI in post-production, making them look blatantly fake, which isn't helped by the cast, who are often shown smiling and even breathing after their deaths!
I guess this must have done alright, rental-wise or whatever, because a sequel has already been commissioned for next year. That's not a spoiler, BTW, as the movie shows its hand even more obviously than the beginning of Massacre on Aisle 12, which at least has a few twists up its sleeve. Here, we can pretty much guess everything that's going to happen in the end, to a point. That's too bad, since, as I said, the film had promise. Maybe they'll get it right the next time.
Well, that about wraps up my look back at what I watched over the holidays so far. Of course, no Xmas horror fest would be complete without a few classics, so I did indeed watch the superlative Black Christmas- the original, accept no substitutes- and any number of animated Xmas delights, notably The Nightmare Before Christmas, which I hadn't seen in a few years.
I also watched a few cheesy Xmas comedies, like A Bad Moms Christmas and Office Christmas Party, which were both about what you'd expect, with the former slightly better than the latter, surprisingly enough, as I expected the exact reverse. I suppose both are worth watching once. But only once.
And my friends and longtime readers know I'm a sucker for Lacey Chabert, who is one of those actresses whose name is almost synonymous with the holiday at this point, thanks to the copious amount of films she's made that feature it, many for the notoriously Xmas-fixated Hallmark Channel.
This year, I went off-script and watched the meh-inducing Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, mainly because it also had Emma Stone in it, who I also adore, but, aside from all the female eye candy involved, it was just as cheesy as one would expect, if a step up from most Hallmark offerings, at least.
Beyond that, though, it was business as usual, with all the expected stuff: Rudolph, Charlie Brown, Emmett Otter (can't go wrong with Riverbottom Nightmare Band!), etc, plus a few holiday specials here and there, like the Gwen Stefani one, and God help me, the Pentatonix special, which was as cheesy as one would expect. (Hey, I was home for the holidays, so I had to wait until most everyone went to bed before breaking out the horror/cult stuff.)
I will be doing a special New Year's Eve-themed horror flick, likely on Monday, though I might do it a day early just to get it out of the way, even though I don't have anything major planned this NYE. I'll likely just veg out, drink and watch some of the musical specials until I get sick of it and throw in another NYE-themed horror movie.
Until then, thanks for reading, and be sure to join me on Monday for the festivities! 😃🎉
No comments:
Post a Comment