The Cronenberg Chronicles, Pt. 1: Intro & Early Shorts (1966-67)

One of my all-time favorite directors, bar none- we're talking Top 3, easy, alongside David Lynch and John Carpenter- David Cronenberg was born in 1943 to a pianist mother, Ester, and a journalist/editor father, Milton, in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He was raised Jewish, though he famously became an atheist later on. Both his parents come from Lithuanian backgrounds, though neither were born there- dad is from Maryland, while mom is a Toronto native.

Cronenberg started writing and playing music at an early age, seemingly looking as if he were going to follow in his parents' footsteps in one way or the other, but was also fascinated by science, and initially planned to pursue a career in that. He entered college to study the latter- taking a particular interest in insects and plants- but switched over to English Lit by the end of his first year. Be that as it may, science- and especially insects- would continue to inform many of his efforts moving forward. 

After seeing his classmate David Secter's 1966 film Winter Kept Us Warm and falling in love with it, he became interested in film and started moving in that direction in earnest in the late 60's. The film was the first English language Canadian effort to be accepted into the Cannes Film Festival- a festival Cronenberg would also have favorable dealings with on down the line in his career, notably with the award-winning Crash- and was one of the first Canadian films to receive international attention. 

It also dealt with homosexual themes at a time when few films dared to do so, and this influence can be felt in Cronenberg's early shorts, and would crop up time and again in his films, notably M. Butterfly and Naked Lunch, though Cronenberg himself was straight. Of the latter film's source material, the book by William S. Burroughs, Cronenberg said he thought that people were fascinated, albeit sometimes "disturbed" by things they didn't understand, and that many straight people found Burrough's "polymorphous perversion" to be "erotic" in spite of themselves because it was so unfamiliar- and he has a point. (See more about the subject, in regards to Naked Lunch, here, if you're so inclined.) 

To that end, he made two short films, 1966's Transfer and 1967's From the Drain, which touched upon the subject in decidedly quirky ways. I will be discussing both in detail, so if you want to see them first for yourself, click here for Transfer and here for From the Drain. Together, they only clock in around twenty minutes, so it's a pretty minor investment of your time, and you'll enjoy my assessments more if you've seen the two shorts. 

The former deals with a psychiatrist (Mort Ritts, who plays a similar role in Drain), who is living in a snowy field, as one does. After brushing his teeth using grape soda as a moistener(!), the Doctor is surprised to find former patient Ralph (Rafe McPherson, who would go on to appear in Cronenberg's Crimes of the Future) sitting there in a chair.

Ralph immediately begins unloading his woes on the poor man. It turns out that the doctor has intentionally fled there to be rid of his needy patients, but Ralph has tracked him down somehow and confesses his love for him. The doctor is incensed to find out that his other patients have casually replaced him and laments that he wasn't properly appreciated by them. 

He declares that he would have been treated like a prince back in the days of early psychology for his contributions to the field, instead of driven to exile. (During this rant, he calls out a litany of psychological terms that read like a laundry list of subject matters that Cronenberg would explore in his filmic future.) He lashes out at all his former patients, which leads Ralph to attempt to kill him with a knife for being ungrateful, but the doctor easily bats it away.

Ralph then confesses further that his visits with the doctor were the only thing he looked forward to and that he was basically only living for them and them alone, to the extent that he even circled the Tuesdays they met on his calendar up to a year in advance. He even admits to making up stuff to keep the doctor interested in him. The doctor is stunned and says he had no idea and rethinks his retirement.

Ralph promises that he will be "kind" and that he wouldn't "hurt you anymore than was necessary to make you to hurt me" (lol). Thus reconciled, the two resume their sessions there in the snowy fields as the film comes to an abrupt end and the credits roll. 

Transfer is more of a bit of neo-sketch comedy than a proper story, and isn't really that funny- in fact, it's bordering on pretentious, but seemingly on purpose- but it's absolutely worthwhile to see how thoroughly it sets up many of the things Cronenberg would explore throughout his career. In addition to the various florid mentions of insects, the whole thing feels a bit like a spoof of the material he would later tackle with much more seriousness in his film A Dangerous Method.

The surreal nature of the whole endeavor makes one wonder if it was all meant to be a dream- note all the wacky symbolism and the bizarre way its shot. It could just be sloppy editing- courtesy of Cronenberg himself- but I think he was trying to emulate the very nature of dreams themselves and the way they just flit from one set-piece to the next, with no rhyme or reason. Too bad about the slipshod sound, though- but editing and sound issues are standard missteps for almost all aspiring student filmmakers, so it's hard to complain too much about such things.

Depending on how you look at it, the film could either be seen as a depiction of the Doctor coming to terms with his latent homosexuality- or Ralph doing the same, though he seems pretty upfront about things on his end. But is it the Doctor having the dream, or is it Ralph? After all, it does seem like a bit of wish fulfillment, given that he gets to be in the doctor's life again. 

I'm guessing the former, since most of it is from the doctor's POV, but you never know. Though I haven't seen Winter Kept Us Warm, I'd be willing to bet that there was some direct influence on the proceedings there, given that film's subject matter.

It certainly would have been more noteworthy, in a sense, had Cronenberg himself came out as gay later on (as Secter did after his film), but obviously, such was not the case here -Cronenberg has been married twice and has three children, which may well account for the less-than-subtle way it's handled- but keep in mind it's supposed to be funny. 

Anyone remotely familiar with the way gays were typically portrayed in film at the time will know that it tends to be a broad characterization at best, and boy, did it get worse before it got better, reaching a bit of nadir in the 80's. But it kind of says it all that- even after seeing a film (Winter) in which, by all accounts, gayness was portrayed in a subtle, less-in-your-face kind of way- when a straight guy did it, it came out as broad comedy. 😏 Fortunately, Cronenberg would get better at it in time, but more on that at a later date.

Moving on to 1967's From the Drain- which features a similarly cartoonish depiction of male homosexuality, though it's slightly less pronounced, with no wry proclamations of love or the like- we see another trope that would crop up time and again in Cronenberg's work: body horror. Here, it's kind of played for laughs as well, albeit with a darker bent than in Transfer. 

The fourteen-minute short is set entirely in one locale: the bathroom of the "Disabled War Veterans Recreation Centre," where two unnamed men are sitting in a tub together having a mostly one-sided chat. Leading the convo is a man (Mort Ritts again) who declares himself to be the "Recreational Director," and laments how hard it is to meet people under the circumstances they find themselves in and about his bouts of PTSD after serving at the "Chemical and Biological Warfare Ministry," which may be a heads-up for what comes next.

As with Transfer, he serves as a bit of an ad-hoc psychiatrist to the troubled other man (Stephen Nosko), who believes there is a "tendril" out to get him lurking in the drain. (Remember what I said about a young Cronenberg's fascination with plants?) This being a Cronenberg film, naturally, there totally is, and when the lead man talks the other one into switching places with him to basically confront his fears, in actuality, he's setting the man up to be attacked by said plant tendril, which eventually makes an appearance and kills him.

The film ends with a punchline of sorts, when the lead man takes off the dead man's shoes and crosses to a closet where he tosses them onto a pile of many others- thus implying that he's done this on multiple occasions before. I didn't say it was a funny punchline, but it is a quintessentially Cronenbergian one, that's for sure, and the perfectly silly example of the type of dark humor he would later explore in his other work in a more subtle way. 

The sound here is much approved, to say the least, as is the picture overall. Apparently having learned his lesson about shooting on location outside, Cronenberg keeps things indoors this time around, where he can control his given scenario in a far more effective way. That said, even at a mere 14 minutes, the film does drag a bit and the obtuse dialogue sticks out even more than it did in Transfer. 

Be that as it may, close listeners will certainly hear the beginnings of themes and wordy dialogues that Cronenberg will explore more thoroughly and to much better effect in future endeavors, with stories revolving around scientific shenanigans, dubious doctors, long-suffering test subjects and, of course, creepy-crawly critters. It all starts with these two bizarre shorts.

Interestingly, at the time, Cronenberg was friends with then-future Saturday Night Live mastermind Lorne Michaels- who was already knee-deep in experimental sketch comedy- as well as fellow filmmaker Ivan Reitman (Meatballs, Stripes, Ghostbusters), who started directing his own short films in 1968. 

Reitman and Cronenberg would found the Toronto Film Co-op together and Reitman would go on to produce Cronenberg's first two full-length features, Shivers (aka They Came From Within) and Rabid, while Cronenberg and Michaels would form the Canadian Filmmakers Distribution Centre for underground filmmakers. In addition, Michaels' childhood friend, Howard Shore (seen above), who worked on SNL in the early days, went on to become Cronenberg's go-to film composer after Michaels introduced the two.  

I think that Reitman and Michaels were a major influence on Cronenberg at the time and that led to the more comedic tone of his early shorts, which is why they seem a bit sillier that his later efforts. But Cronenberg would soon assert his own style soon enough, and though some of the themes and subjects explored in the these early works would certainly resurface, I think all us fans can be grateful that he didn't continue in this direction, as his touch with more straight-forward comedy leaves something to be desired.

That said, there has always been a certain degree of dark humor to much of Cronenberg's work, and it absolutely begins with these two shorts, and was almost certainly, in part, the result of his friendships with these two funny individuals. Even though outright humor is not a prominent feature in his work moving forward, it still informs it in a unique way that you occasionally can see rise to the fore in his more left-of-center films like Naked Lunch and Maps to the Stars. 

And I say left-of-center in regards to his more common fare- which is to say, his more horror-oriented efforts, rather than his more recent films, which are very different in style and approach from his early work and don't necessarily qualify as horror films, per se, save maybe in the vaguest psychological terms. 

Films like M. Butterfly, A History of Violence, Eastern Promises, A Dangerous Method and Cosmopolis, in other words, none of which anyone would call outright horror, but all of which can be said to have had horrific moments, whether psychological or more overtly violent. And yet, they all have a warped sense of humor to them as well. 

(Speaking of a sense of humor, check out this brief clip from the late 60's about Drain, in which Cronenberg is interviewed along with an associate (Bob Fothergill) with the largest lapels I've ever seen- the 70's called and want their fashion back- and they haven't even happened yet! 😁)

Like I said, all of that begins here, which makes these two shorts essential, even if they're hardly indicative of his best work to come. But what they do represent is the promise of what's to come, once Cronenberg nails down his voice as a filmmaker and is able to better express himself. To do that, he would need to stop emulating those around him, like Secter, Michaels and Reitman- to say nothing of the likes of Freud and Jung, though he would certainly explore their work to much greater effect in A Dangerous Method, to be sure.

  

Join me next time for Part Two of The Cronenberg Chronicles, in which I'll tackle his first basically feature-length film, Stereo, aka Tile 3B of a CAEE Educational Mosaic. I've seen two very different cuts of the film, and I'll be taking a look at them both, so be sure and join me for that next week! Until then... long live the new flesh! 💺📼😱 

Into the Dark: They Come Knocking & Good Boy

Author's Note: Heard you missed me- I'm back! 
Apologies- when I was moving stuff around my room I accidentally damaged my computer monitor cord and had to send off for a new one, so I've basically been sans internet for the most part for over a week. Good thing I had that new TV! 

And I know what you're thinking: why not use that TV as a monitor- well, I thought of that, too, but I didn't have the right cord for that, either. It's just been that kind of week. I did have my phone, but I'm not writing and editing a freaking article on my phone, sorry. I love you guys, but there ARE limits, lol. And that includes going to a freaking Walmart for a power cord during a pandemic in a Red State where the numbers are rising everyday and not wearing a mask is seen as a damn political statement. 😕

But fear not- I have said cord now, and all is well. I'll be kicking off The Cronenberg Chronicles later this week- I've already got a leg up on that one, having had little to do but watch movies and TV shows over the last week, so hopefully I can start knocking those out asap. I'll also be doing my new column My Favorite Things soon as well- I'll use that to break up the Cronenberg stuff here and there.

Finally, I'll be doing the occasional Movie Round-Up as I watch enough newer movies to do it. I'll probably hold off on my proposed Franchise Review till July, though. In the meantime, here's my review of the two June holiday-themed episodes of Into the Dark. As ever, thanks for hanging in there! 😉

So, by now you know the drill- Into the Dark is a monthly feature-length anthology series from Blumhouse Productions, where each episode is tied into a holiday, more or less. Though some stretch that definition, or, at the very least, the holiday aspect is arbitrary at best. The newer one of these two episodes certainly stretches credibility in both areas, that's for sure. "Pet Appreciation Week"? That's not a holiday- hell, it's not even a DAY. But whatevs- I'm reviewing 'em anyway. Here goes. 

Easily the creepier of the two June-themed eps, They Come Knocking revolves around Father's Day, and here, it actually is a fairly integral part of the plot, especially since it revolves around the trials and tribulations of a long-suffering father of two girls who recently lost his much-beloved wife after a nasty bout of cancer that resulted in his having to pull the plug, much to his older daughter's chagrin. Needless to say, this is a source of quite a bit of resentment, which doesn't exactly equal a happy Father's Day for daddy.

In an attempt to try and heal the wounds that bind them, dear old dad takes the fam to camp in an isolated spot where, once upon a time, he proposed to his late wife. There, he plans to scatter her ashes in hopes of putting her to rest in a more finalized way, so as to end one chapter of their lives and begin another. 

One big problem- it seems that some new residents have taken up living in the area, and they may have a particular thing for hunting down children, given the recent spate of disappearances to that end in the area. Even freakier, they would appear to be children themselves. Just what the hell is going on here? And could the timing of dad's trip be worse? 

To tell the truth, I'm still not entirely sure of the whole origin story of the killer kids in question. As far as I can tell, they're not that interested in the adults- they want kids like themselves, one assumes to recruit new members to the fold. They also seem to have supernatural powers- at several points they make the family think they see their late mother/wife, in an attempt to lure them out into the open, and thus, into the line of fire, as it were. 

And yet, in spite of this, they don't seem to have the power to actually go into someone's place unless they're physically let in- much like a vampire, you basically have to invite them in. If you don't, they can't get in, which means really all one has to do is wait them out till morning, at which point you can make a break for it. (Reportedly, the kids are based on the urban legend of the "Black-eyed Children," which you can read more about here.)

To be fair, the film does address this, by having the action take place in an isolated locale- there aren't a lot of places to run to, and the ones there are, like a nearby junkyard, aren't exactly appealing either. Also, during the course of the first night of their attack, the creepy kids disable the father's car, so that takes care of that route of getting out of there. However, the film does fall prey to the usual horror movie clichés, in terms of dumb moves by the characters. 

For instance, the next day, upon seeing the car is messed up, the father takes it upon himself to walk to the gas station to get help- and opts to leave his kids there! No loving father would do that, least of all while still reeling from the death of his wife and their mother. But if it didn't happen, the film wouldn't be able to separate them all and deliver some mild exposition, as we see another trailer that the kids attacked previously and get some clues as to what they're really up to.

For that reason, I get it, but in real life, yeah, it would never happen that way, unless the father was a real asshole, and this one isn't. Nathan, the dad, is played by an exceptional Clayne Crawford, who played the Mel Gibson role in the recent Lethal Weapon TV series spin-off. 

I didn't watch the show, but I gather he was a handful to work with, ultimately getting fired from the show, which ultimately led to its demise after they basically wrote out one of the main characters and tried to keep going, which I gather didn't go over too well with fans. Whatever the case, he was fantastic here, and his character has a quiet strength that I'm guessing his character on Weapon was probably the opposite end of the spectrum from, going by the way the character was in the movie version.

Here, Crawford is heartbreakingly good, and really makes you feel the pain of unexpectedly becoming a father in a different way when your significant other is gone. Through flashbacks- perhaps a few too many, if I'm being honest- we see how much he struggles to let his wife go, and end her suffering, in spite of his kids' pleas to the contrary. His wife, Val is played by the Teen Witch herself, Robyn Lively (also of the OG Twin Peaks), aka Blake's stepsister: top that! 😉 

Older daughter, Clair, is played by an equally affecting Josephine Langford, sister of Katherine, of 13 Reasons Why and Knives Out fame. She clearly inherited her big sis' good looks, along with her talent. She's actually 22, for the record, probably 21 at the time of filming, rather than being the teenager she plays here. You might also know her from the horror flick Wish Upon, as well as the TV series spin-off of the movie Wolf Creek. Or the movie After, if you're given to teen melodramas. She's a talent to watch, for sure. 

Bringing up the rear is little Lia McHugh, as younger sister, Maggie, who, unlike her own big sister, has handled the loss of her mother by clinging more tightly to her father, not doing everything in her power to stay removed from him by drowning herself in music and the like. McHugh is a bit of a burgeoning Scream Kid herself, having already appeared in the likes of Totem, Along Came the Devil and The Lodge, as well as the TV show American Woman.

With this strong of a cast, They Come Knocking can't help but resonate emotionally, even if it comes up a bit short in the scare department. Yes, the killer kids are creepy, but most of the horror is of the jump scare garden variety, and I've seen too many of these movies to fall for most of that. That's too bad, as there was an even better movie to have been made here. If the horror had risen to the level of the emotion, they might have really had something.

I guess you can lay that at the feet of the writers, Shane and Carey Van Dyke, perhaps best-known for the decent  Chernobyl Diaries, but also the ones behind such knock-offs as Paranormal Entity, Transmorphers and Street Racer, to say nothing of- gulp- Titanic II ! (Not a joke, I assure you. Well, sort of, in the more literal sense, lol. And if you guessed The Asylum was behind it, you get a gold star! 🎇)

On the other hand, director Adam Mason did one of the better entries of the show, the April Fools' Day-themed I'm Just F*ckin' With You. (See review here.) In terms of emotional growth, They Come Knocking is a big step forward for the director- who's better-known for such gorefests as Broken, Blood River and Hangman- I just wish it hadn't come at the expense of the scares. Oh well- nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

Next up, we have the droll Good Boy, which ostensibly takes place during Pet Appreciation Week (June 7th-13th), which was not a "holiday" I was familiar with, even though I certainly have nothing against our furry friends. Why shouldn't they get a week, much less a day? No skin off my back. That said, it is a bit of a stretch as a holiday, obviously, so yeah, there's that.

Fortunately, the episode stars the much-beloved (at least by me) Judy Greer, who is worth her weight in dubious holidays or holi-weeks, as is the case here. I first became a fan of hers circa Jawbreaker and have been one ever since. Her long list of credits is too massive to list here, but you probably know her best for the likes of Three Kings, 13 Going on 30, The Village, Cursed, The Descendants, Carrie, Dawn and War of the Planet of the Apes, Jurassic World, the Ant-Man series, TV's Arrested Development and Archer and, most recently, the rebooted Halloween series.  

Greer plays lonely lady Maggie, who longs to be a mom, but just can't seem to find the right guy. After finally giving up the ghost and taking steps to have her eggs frozen just in case, things rapidly start to go downhill in her life. Her cushy job at a local newspaper is seriously downsized when the powers that be decide to go all-digital, forcing her to go freelance, taking a big chunk out of her paycheck in the process. Her landlord keeps trying to sneak fees onto her bill at her rent-controlled apartment. Now, she may not even be able to afford the whole egg-freezing thing to boot.

Her condescending boss, Don (Steve Guttenberg!) suggest she get a pet as a compromise, which she doesn't take kindly to at first, but eventually caves and goes to a rescue pound to investigate. There she finds the downright adorable pooch she dubs Reuben, which looks just like a dog a friend of mine had once upon a time- think that dog in the old 80's teen comedy Up the Creek (see him- or her, as the case may be- in action here.)

This being a horror show, as you might have guessed from the title, there's more going on than meets the eye with little Reuben. For one thing, he has a mean grip on those toys of his- which include a stuffed Pooka, FYI, a cute bit of product placement- and an adversity to being put in a cage, to say nothing of being left alone too long. What's more, he seems to have a pre-natural talent for reading his owner: when she's in emotional turmoil, so is he. And when things take an even worse turn for Maggie, you better believe it doesn't go down well for Reuben.

Before you know it, the bodies are piling up- but how in the world could a tiny cutie like Reuben possibly be responsible for such gruesome, seemingly impossible acts? You'll just have to see for yourself, but let's just say that Cujo ain't got nothing on Reuben. Sadly, we never get an extended look at Reuben in his "other" form, but sometimes less is more. Besides, if this one goes over well, there's always the sequel, if Pooka Lives! was any indication.

I had a lot of fun with Good Boy all around. Greer is so inherently likable- as is Reuben, for that matter- and the supporting cast is pretty solid as well, including McKinley Freeman (Hit the Floor, End of Watch) as Maggie's prime love interest- and, unfortunately for her, also the cop investigating all those mysterious deaths in the neighborhood- Ellen Wong (The Void, Silent Night) as her bestie and former babysitting subject, Annie; Elise Neal (Scream 2, Tragedy Girls) as Maggie's doctor; and Maria Conchita Alonso (Predator 2, The Lords of Salem) as Bea, Maggie's landlord.

Yes, it's all a bit predictable, but unlike our previous entry, both the emotional stuff and the horror lands squarely where they should, thanks in no small part to Greer's empathetic performance. As a writer, I certainly related to the dwindling job opportunities brought about by changing technology- I, too, lost a cushy job recently, due to just that scenario- and I'm sure many women of a certain age can relate to having trouble finding a man these days, to say nothing of the perils of trying to have a child when everything is seemingly against you- not in the least, time itself.

Granted, none of this is remotely scary, but it isn't meant to be. Like Pooka Lives!, this is meant to be fun and enjoyable for horror fans, not to scare you out of your wits. It's definitely more horror-comedy than straight horror. As I've noted before, that can be a toxic cocktail, but here, it goes down smooth, thanks to that cast and some poignant writing, courtesy of yet another duo, Aaron and Will Eisenberg, who, interestingly enough, normally write for kids, such as their work on Netflix's 3Below: Tales of Arcadia. You'd never guess from their work here, though the end result is also a bit cartoonish- but in a good way.

In the director's chair is Tyler MacIntyre, who made Flicker and the aforementioned Tragedy Girls, which I just loved. As a former editor, he knows the value of "less is more," and he's clearly seen enough Creature Features to know that sometimes it's better to limit the view of the creature in question, a la Jaws or Alien. If anything, as I said, I could have stood to have seen a bit more of Reuben in his more monstrous form. But as approaches go, it's still a solid one.

I'll allow that Knocking probably carries with it much more emotional weight, being as it deals with true loss, not the loss of a job or the weight of one's biological clock ticking- worthy causes to write about, to be sure, but nowhere near as heavy as losing a loved one to the biggest bitch of them all: cancer. But where it fumbles the ball somewhat with the horror part, Good Boy gets it right by going for the funny bone instead of the patented jump scare. That's not to say it doesn't have a fair amount of gore, though- it's just played more for laughs, like, say, a Sam Raimi flick, than played straight.

As such, it's a tough call to say which is better. Knocking stuck with me more because of its more emotional core and affecting performances from the main cast, but Good Boy is more entertaining on a surface level. I guess I'd say if it's more straight horror you're looking for, it's definitely Knocking you want. But if it's sheer entertainment you want, you can't go wrong with Good Boy. It's worth its weight in kibbles in bits. 🐕👹

Well, that about does it for now. Thanks for reading, and join me later in the week for my much-anticipated deep dive into the work of rebel filmmaker David Cronenberg- it's sure to be a wild ride! 😃

Horror/Sci-Fi Movie Round-Up! - Volume 13

Author's Note: Just a quick update- I found a cheap TV online, so I now have a TV in my room again. It's also ROKU-enabled, which I've never had before, so that's kind of cool. If I can get some (paid) work, then it will be easy-peasy to subscribe to Netflix, Disney, et. al. For now, though, there's a surprising amount of free movie channels, and a few of them are horror-related, so that's cool. It took me a hot minute to set up, on account of having to shift things around in my room considerably, hence the delay on this article.

Anyway, hopefully, that will give me access to some movies to review that I wouldn't be able to otherwise, so that's something to look forward to. I may subscribe to Shudder soon, if only to be able to watch the second season of Joe Bob Briggs' The Last Drive-In. I blew my free trial of the channel watching the first season, along with the 1st season of Creepshow.

Insofar as the stuff I've watched in recent months, I'm basically all caught up, save one old movie I'm going to review on its own, hopefully early next week. There are a few movies that are going to fall by the wayside, but that's to be expected- I'd go nuts if I tried to review every single thing I watched, period. But I did review the lion's share, so there's that- that's quarantine for you. What else am I gonna do with my time? If I'm not watching- or reading- I'm reviewing. 

So, with that, here's a round-up of some horror movies I watched over the last few months, including one from Shudder before I had to get rid of it before the big move. Thanks for hanging in there while I get settled in my new place. Hopefully, all this stuff will be worth the wait! 😁

Blood Machines

Before we parted ways, my roommate gifted me with a free month of Shudder. I'd previously taken advantage of the free trial to watch the return of Joe Bob Briggs' The Last Drive-In and the first season of Creepshow and he knew I was itching to watch the second season of the former, and, as he hadn't subscribed to it yet, he did so, partly so I'd have something to watch in light of his having to shut down the cable, which was in his name. 

Well, as you might recall, I ended up moving a lot sooner than I thought I was going to, so I didn't end up getting to watch much of Shudder in the meantime. I did watch a few movies and a little of Joe Bob's show, but nowhere near as much as I thought I would, which is why I'm considering paying for it, at least in the short term- to finish what I started. 

In the meantime, I did review a few of the things I watched, and this marks the last of those films. It's actually more of a short film "mini-series"- emphasis on the "mini," as the whole thing clocks in at a mere fifty minutes, and that's including credits on each of the three "episodes," which are the same each time and last a good three minutes in and of themselves. 

Blood Machines is a sort of spiritual "sequel" to the oddball music video for Carpenter Brut's "Turbo Killer," which was directed by Seth Ickerman. Brut is the nom de plume of French musician Franck Hueso, one of the most popular members of the so-called "synthwave" movement, which is basically like what would happen if someone made a career out of imitating the synth-driven sounds of 80's movie soundtracks, a la Tangerine Dream, Vangelis, Goblin and, of course, director John Carpenter, who inspired Brut's first "name." 

photo: wikipedia & Gr8tdude

You've probably heard of some of the acts influenced by this subgenre, including Daft Punk, Justice and Johnny Jewel and the Chromatics, with the latter having contributed significantly to David Lynch's Twin Peaks: The Return and Ryan Gosling's Lost River. There's also Disasterpeace (aka Richard Vreeland), who composed the soundtrack for the video-games Fez and Hyper Light Drifter, as well as the score for the horror flick It Follows. Cliff Martinez, the former drummer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, has also drifted into the subgenre with his film score work, notably for the movies Drive, Spring Breakers, The Neon Demon and Only God Forgives. 

When Seth Ickerman, aka directing duo Raphaël Hernandez and Savitri Joly-Gonfard, asked Brut for the right to use his music for a trailer they were working on, he said yes right away, having been a fan of their work. Ickerman subsequently went on to direct multiple videos for Brut's music, including the aforementioned "Turbo Killer," which was inspired in part by characters Brut created. The video was an immediate sensation online and created fan demand for a follow-up. 

Ickerman, who had long wanted to do a feature-length film based on Brut's music, readily agreed and a Kickstarter was formed to help fund it. Originally planned as a thirty-minute short, it eventually blossomed into a fifty-minute semi-feature, which Ickerman later opted to divide into three parts, for whatever reason. Shudder bought the rights to air it- although it's admittedly more sci-fi than horror- and Amazon bought the streaming rights, along with Vimeo on Demand, effectively making the duo and Brut back their money in no time. 

It's kind of hard to describe it, which is why I've spent so much time on the background- you just have to kind of experience it, as it were. In the music video for "Turbo Killer," a sexy redhead is captured by some muscle car-driving thugs and put into a prism, where she is forced to dance for their entertainment. Then, out of nowhere, a gas-mask-wearing individual roars up in a vintage 'Vette and takes heavy fire from the lead villain in charge, to no avail. The driver manages to shoot their car through the prism and rescue the lovely lady and a chase ensues, as the villains come after the two. That's about it.

Blood Machines basically takes that idea and expands on it. In the short, we discover that the "ghost" of a spaceship's AI has escaped and it is up to the captain of the ship and his associate to track her down and put her back into the robotic shell from which she escaped. Along the way, there's some battles on a planet that seems to be completely occupied by women, and various confrontations between the two men on the ship and the physical representation of said robot, which has become a sort of in-between living being that is somehow gaining strength, perhaps from outside forces.

It's visually stunning and truly a sight to behold, with, of course, plenty of music throughout, all of which is available on Brut's soundtrack of the same name. In spite of the somewhat spotty storyline- which is admittedly beside the point- it's all pretty cool to look at, even if you lose the thread of what's going on, plot-wise. There is a copious amount of nudity, leaving one to wonder if more prurient interests were being served on behalf of the male directors and Brut- aka the notorious, much-discussed "male gaze"- but the overall message is seemingly feminist in nature, so we'll let it slide. 

This won't be for everyone, to be sure, but if your tastes lean towards the likes of Heavy Metal (the magazine and the movies, not the musical genre), Barbarella, Hardware, Cherry 2000 and Galaxina and so on, this should be right up your alley. Also, perhaps needless to say, if you dig on synthwave, you've come to the right place. Brut's score is just great, and almost worth the price of admission in and of itself. (And worth the price of the soundtrack, or at least worth a stream.)

If it all comes off as kind of an elaborate music video with some semblance of a plot, well, just know that it sort of is by design. It's all very 80's, to be sure, but in a good way. All of that said, if this sounds like it might be your thing, I can assure you, it totally is. I say check it out, by all means, but maybe don't subscribe to Shudder just for it alone, when there are cheaper options available.

  

Countdown

Speaking of cheaper options, this Ring/Pulse knock-off is a little late to the party, and I kind of knew it going in, but you know us horror fans are gluttons for punishment, so just try and stop us from watching terrible rip-offs even when we should know better. You think Hallmark fans stop with just one Christmas-themed rom-com? Nope. Neither do we. 

The main draw for me here was the presence of Elizabeth Lail, the star of two entertaining TV series, Freeform's underrated Dead of Summer and the Lifetime/Netflix cult hit, You, as well as having played Anna on ABC/Disney's Once Upon a Time, which I bailed on after the third season before she joined the cast. (Yes, she played THAT Anna.)

Lail has a very likable quality that serves her well, even when she's playing iffy characters, which is a nice quality to have as a Hollywood actress, given that playing the "girlfriend" can get pretty old. She's played some pretty complex characters in her short time working- which also includes guest spots on The Good Fight and The Blacklist and a lead in the thriller Unintended- and that bodes well for her future.

As such, Countdown deserves to go down as a mere blip on the radar of an otherwise solid career to date. It's about an app that tells you when you're going to die. (And yes, of course, there's a real one.) Some get a forecast for a long life- others not so much. If you try and do anything different to change your fate, a demon comes after you to make sure you go when it's your time to go. That's about it. And you thought Blood Machines sounded simple. 

Needless to say, Lail's character falls prey to a doomed fate that's just around the corner, and so does her sister, Jordan (Talitha Bateman, Annabelle: Creation), for good measure. So do any number of others, including potential love interest, Matt (Jordan Calloway, Black Lightning), and teens Courtney (Anne Winters, 13 Reasons Why) and Evan (Dillon Lane). Can any of them evade their proposed fate? 

Well, if not, we wouldn't have much of a movie, but that doesn't mean that there aren't twists along the way, at least. Worth their weight in quirky character gold are two actors, P.J. Byrne (The Wolf of Wall Street, Big Little Lies) and stand-up comedian Tom Segura (Instant Family), as a would-be helpful priest and tech genius, respectively. Those two alone make the film more worth watching, even if you see most of the twists coming- and you probably will, unless you're new to horror. 

The cast also includes Peter Facinelli (The Twilight Saga, Nurse Jackie) as a sleazy doctor that hits on his staff and then reports them to HR if they refuse his advances- guess he missed the #timesup memo- and, of all people, Tichina Arnold, aka "Pam" from TV's Martin, as Lail's character's BFF, and fellow nurse. They're both fine, but unless you're enough of a fan to be a completist, I can't imagine seeing this will do much for you. 

It's all pretty much by the numbers- haha 😂- down to the last-minute twist, which you'll see coming a mile away. Lail is fine, as is the rest of the cast, but yeah, there's nothing much new going on here, save the aforementioned Byrne and Segura, who try their best to make the movie worth seeing, but yeah...I'm not entirely sure they succeed. 

Although, to be fair, the film grossed $48 million on a budget of just over $6 million, so technically, mission accomplished- at least financially. But I say skip it, unless you're just a huge Lail fan like I am or it just happens to be on TV or something. I certainly wouldn't advise paying for it. 😝   

Villains

Another one I watched primarily because of the leading lady- in this case, Maika Monroe, of It Follows and The Guest fame- Villains is a darkly comedic horror flick about a would-be Bonnie & Clyde that run afoul of their own naivety. To wit- or lack thereof- they go to rob a convenience store, but can't figure out how to open the register without scanning an item for purchase after the cashier passes out from fright. Then, while making their getaway, their car runs out of gas! 

Forced to make a pit stop, they come upon a seemingly empty house and break in, hoping to siphon some gas from the car in the garage, but they stupidly overstay their welcome and the owners come home, forcing them to take the couple who live there hostage. But what happens when you break into the home of people that are WAY crazier than you are? Needless to say, these two find out the hard way.

In addition to Monroe, who plays Jules, the more sensitive of the two would-be criminals, there's Bill Skarsgård (Pennywise in the IT movies), playing against type as Mickey, the sort of big galoot that doesn't think quick on his feet but can get there if you give him a hot minute- and some food and/or drugs. It's fun to see the normally intimidating actor play a dopey doofus that is always his own worst enemy. 

As the older couple, there's Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer) as Gloria, who longs for a baby, even though she's well-past the age where it will come easy; and Jeffrey Donovan (Burn Notice) as George, a well-mannered Southern gentleman that fancies himself a first-rate salesman. Will he be able to convince the younger couple to buy what he's selling? 

There's also the mysterious child known only as "Sweetiepie" (Blake Baumgartner, City on a Hill, where she plays Sedwick's IRL hubby Kevin Bacon's daughter), who may or may not be the older couples' daughter, as well as the younger couples' ticket out of there- if they can get her to join their side, that is, which proves easier said than done. 

Horror-comedies, as fans know, are a tough nut to crack. Too silly and the threat of the main villain- or in this case, "villains"- isn't enough to be effective; too serious and the comedy falls flat. It's a delicate tightrope, and one that often goes horribly awry. Villains lands squarely somewhere in the middle- it's not scary enough to get under your skin, nor is it funny enough to keep you consistently entertained.  

That's not to say it doesn't have its moments, however. The five main performances are all pretty solid, and the actors are all perfectly cast in their respective roles, even Skarsgård, who is normally just plain creepy, even when he's playing someone who should be sympathetic, i.e. his role in Castle Rock. Here, he's actually the funniest thing in the movie. Go figure. 

Villains comes on like a Wild at Heart/Natural Born Killers-type flick at first, then morphs into a home invasion thriller, with the admittedly novel twist of the home belonging to a couple of wackos that are worse than the people breaking in, but even that has been done before: see Don't Breathe, for one. Unfortunately, Villains is nowhere near as good as any of those films. 

Not that it has to be, mind you, but it's the kind of film you're probably going to forget in a matter of weeks after watching it, which is too bad, as the pieces were in place to create something unique that stood out from the rest of the pack. As it stands, it's a perfectly watchable movie- it's just nothing you haven't seen before- and better.

Another drawing point for me was writer/directors Dan Berk and Robert Olsen, who showed promise with the Christmas horror of Body (see review here), which was also good, but not as good as it could have been. The same, alas, goes for this film. Better luck, next time boys, but this one is a skip for me, unless you're a big fan of any of the aforementioned actors, and even then, you've seen better from them elsewhere, I'm afraid. 😒

Apostle

I like to try and end these things on a high note, though that's not always possible. Fortunately, this time around, it is. Apostle is one of those films that I've been meaning to get around to, but sometimes these things fall through the cracks. But I randomly got around to it, finally, after hearing some positive things about it online, and seeing who was in the cast, which includes one of my favorite current actors, Dan Stevens, of FX's Legion and the movies The Guest and Disney's live-action Beauty & The Beast- he was the "Beast."

The plot is kind of hard to explain- it really is one of those films that's better experienced than explained, not unlike Blood Machines, but in a completely different way- think The Wicker Man or Kill List. Basically, the main plot is that Thomas Richardson (Stevens) is sent on behalf of his father's estate manager to investigate a claim that his beloved sister, Jennifer (Elen Rhys, World War Z) has been kidnapped by a cult located on an isolated island that is almost impossible to get into without the right credentials.

The wily Thomas manages it, though, albeit not without setting someone else up to take the fall intended for him. By virtue of realizing that the cult has no intention of giving his sister up willingly, he is able to maneuver certain things his way to set himself up to be able to rescue his sister before it's too late and she is killed- or perhaps even sacrificed to the island goddess, because, yes, of course, there is one, it being a cult and all. But is the goddess a willing participant in all this? 

The answer to that is but one of the many twists and turns this oddball horror-thriller takes along the way to its darkly-realized climax, which does not feature a happy ending for all concerned, perhaps needless to say. It's a wild ride, but it's also very nuanced and takes its sweet time unfolding, which may not sit well with some modern viewers that prefer their horror to be more quickly-paced. Let's put it this way: if you hated The Witch (or, if you prefer, The VVitch) or Midsommar, you're probably going to hate this. 

I don't mind a good Gothic thriller, though, having grown up on a steady diet of Vincent Price and Hammer Horror, and like I said, this is more like a variation on The Wicker Man, and I do mean the original version, not the "Oh, no, not the bees!" remake with Nicholas Cage, which is just bonkers. Basically, like that film, you follow one person's experience of what's going on, with only a few key scenes seen from outside his purview, in order to better explain certain plot elements.

Some may not like this approach, as it means you have to be patient, which is not exactly the trademark of the current generation- by which I mean Gen Y, not my generation, though we're not exactly known for it, either. I was a child of the 80's, which is when the whole MTV-style, quick-cut editing thing in movies began, so I get wanting to get to the point. Fortunately, I grew up with parents that encouraged my explorations of the past, both in movies and music, so I was more well-rounded that some members of my generation. 

All of which is to say that this movie may not be for everyone, but if you like a good slow burn, this should be right up your alley. Also, the cast is pretty amazing, including Lucy Boynton (Bohemian Rhapsody), Mark Lewis Jones (Star Wars: The Last Jedi), Kristine Froseth (The Society) and a fiery-as-per-usual turn from Michael Sheen (Prodigal Son, Good Omens) as the leader of the cult.

But it's mainly Stevens' show, and he is more than up to the task, whether it's spying on the locals, wading through the (literal) muck, or battling weirdo masked men looking to grind his head into paste. Fair warning: things do get a bit violent here and there, but it is a horror flick. It's also par for the course for writer/director Gareth Evans, of The Raid movies fame. You do have to wait for most of the action until towards the end, but when it begins, it's fairly non-stop, so there's that. 

I'm giving this one my highest recommendation of the week- by all means, check it out. It's available on Netflix now. 😁       

Well, that about does it for now. Join me next week for some old-school movie reviews and more!