Anyway, hopefully, that will give me access to some movies to review that I wouldn't be able to otherwise, so that's something to look forward to. I may subscribe to Shudder soon, if only to be able to watch the second season of Joe Bob Briggs' The Last Drive-In. I blew my free trial of the channel watching the first season, along with the 1st season of Creepshow.
Insofar as the stuff I've watched in recent months, I'm basically all caught up, save one old movie I'm going to review on its own, hopefully early next week. There are a few movies that are going to fall by the wayside, but that's to be expected- I'd go nuts if I tried to review every single thing I watched, period. But I did review the lion's share, so there's that- that's quarantine for you. What else am I gonna do with my time? If I'm not watching- or reading- I'm reviewing.
So, with that, here's a round-up of some horror movies I watched over the last few months, including one from Shudder before I had to get rid of it before the big move. Thanks for hanging in there while I get settled in my new place. Hopefully, all this stuff will be worth the wait! 😁
Blood Machines
Before we parted ways, my roommate gifted me with a free month of Shudder. I'd previously taken advantage of the free trial to watch the return of Joe Bob Briggs' The Last Drive-In and the first season of Creepshow and he knew I was itching to watch the second season of the former, and, as he hadn't subscribed to it yet, he did so, partly so I'd have something to watch in light of his having to shut down the cable, which was in his name.
Well, as you might recall, I ended up moving a lot sooner than I thought I was going to, so I didn't end up getting to watch much of Shudder in the meantime. I did watch a few movies and a little of Joe Bob's show, but nowhere near as much as I thought I would, which is why I'm considering paying for it, at least in the short term- to finish what I started.
In the meantime, I did review a few of the things I watched, and this marks the last of those films. It's actually more of a short film "mini-series"- emphasis on the "mini," as the whole thing clocks in at a mere fifty minutes, and that's including credits on each of the three "episodes," which are the same each time and last a good three minutes in and of themselves.
Blood Machines is a sort of spiritual "sequel" to the oddball music video for Carpenter Brut's "Turbo Killer," which was directed by Seth Ickerman. Brut is the nom de plume of French musician Franck Hueso, one of the most popular members of the so-called "synthwave" movement, which is basically like what would happen if someone made a career out of imitating the synth-driven sounds of 80's movie soundtracks, a la Tangerine Dream, Vangelis, Goblin and, of course, director John Carpenter, who inspired Brut's first "name."
You've probably heard of some of the acts influenced by this subgenre, including Daft Punk, Justice and Johnny Jewel and the Chromatics, with the latter having contributed significantly to David Lynch's Twin Peaks: The Return and Ryan Gosling's Lost River. There's also Disasterpeace (aka Richard Vreeland), who composed the soundtrack for the video-games Fez and Hyper Light Drifter, as well as the score for the horror flick It Follows. Cliff Martinez, the former drummer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, has also drifted into the subgenre with his film score work, notably for the movies Drive, Spring Breakers, The Neon Demon and Only God Forgives.
When Seth Ickerman, aka directing duo Raphaël Hernandez and Savitri Joly-Gonfard, asked Brut for the right to use his music for a trailer they were working on, he said yes right away, having been a fan of their work. Ickerman subsequently went on to direct multiple videos for Brut's music, including the aforementioned "Turbo Killer," which was inspired in part by characters Brut created. The video was an immediate sensation online and created fan demand for a follow-up.
Ickerman, who had long wanted to do a feature-length film based on Brut's music, readily agreed and a Kickstarter was formed to help fund it. Originally planned as a thirty-minute short, it eventually blossomed into a fifty-minute semi-feature, which Ickerman later opted to divide into three parts, for whatever reason. Shudder bought the rights to air it- although it's admittedly more sci-fi than horror- and Amazon bought the streaming rights, along with Vimeo on Demand, effectively making the duo and Brut back their money in no time.
It's kind of hard to describe it, which is why I've spent so much time on the background- you just have to kind of experience it, as it were. In the music video for "Turbo Killer," a sexy redhead is captured by some muscle car-driving thugs and put into a prism, where she is forced to dance for their entertainment. Then, out of nowhere, a gas-mask-wearing individual roars up in a vintage 'Vette and takes heavy fire from the lead villain in charge, to no avail. The driver manages to shoot their car through the prism and rescue the lovely lady and a chase ensues, as the villains come after the two. That's about it.
Blood Machines basically takes that idea and expands on it. In the short, we discover that the "ghost" of a spaceship's AI has escaped and it is up to the captain of the ship and his associate to track her down and put her back into the robotic shell from which she escaped. Along the way, there's some battles on a planet that seems to be completely occupied by women, and various confrontations between the two men on the ship and the physical representation of said robot, which has become a sort of in-between living being that is somehow gaining strength, perhaps from outside forces.
It's visually stunning and truly a sight to behold, with, of course, plenty of music throughout, all of which is available on Brut's soundtrack of the same name. In spite of the somewhat spotty storyline- which is admittedly beside the point- it's all pretty cool to look at, even if you lose the thread of what's going on, plot-wise. There is a copious amount of nudity, leaving one to wonder if more prurient interests were being served on behalf of the male directors and Brut- aka the notorious, much-discussed "male gaze"- but the overall message is seemingly feminist in nature, so we'll let it slide.
This won't be for everyone, to be sure, but if your tastes lean towards the likes of Heavy Metal (the magazine and the movies, not the musical genre), Barbarella, Hardware, Cherry 2000 and Galaxina and so on, this should be right up your alley. Also, perhaps needless to say, if you dig on synthwave, you've come to the right place. Brut's score is just great, and almost worth the price of admission in and of itself. (And worth the price of the soundtrack, or at least worth a stream.)
If it all comes off as kind of an elaborate music video with some semblance of a plot, well, just know that it sort of is by design. It's all very 80's, to be sure, but in a good way. All of that said, if this sounds like it might be your thing, I can assure you, it totally is. I say check it out, by all means, but maybe don't subscribe to Shudder just for it alone, when there are cheaper options available.
Countdown
Speaking of cheaper options, this Ring/Pulse knock-off is a little late to the party, and I kind of knew it going in, but you know us horror fans are gluttons for punishment, so just try and stop us from watching terrible rip-offs even when we should know better. You think Hallmark fans stop with just one Christmas-themed rom-com? Nope. Neither do we.
The main draw for me here was the presence of Elizabeth Lail, the star of two entertaining TV series, Freeform's underrated Dead of Summer and the Lifetime/Netflix cult hit, You, as well as having played Anna on ABC/Disney's Once Upon a Time, which I bailed on after the third season before she joined the cast. (Yes, she played THAT Anna.)
Lail has a very likable quality that serves her well, even when she's playing iffy characters, which is a nice quality to have as a Hollywood actress, given that playing the "girlfriend" can get pretty old. She's played some pretty complex characters in her short time working- which also includes guest spots on The Good Fight and The Blacklist and a lead in the thriller Unintended- and that bodes well for her future.
As such, Countdown deserves to go down as a mere blip on the radar of an otherwise solid career to date. It's about an app that tells you when you're going to die. (And yes, of course, there's a real one.) Some get a forecast for a long life- others not so much. If you try and do anything different to change your fate, a demon comes after you to make sure you go when it's your time to go. That's about it. And you thought Blood Machines sounded simple.
Needless to say, Lail's character falls prey to a doomed fate that's just around the corner, and so does her sister, Jordan (Talitha Bateman, Annabelle: Creation), for good measure. So do any number of others, including potential love interest, Matt (Jordan Calloway, Black Lightning), and teens Courtney (Anne Winters, 13 Reasons Why) and Evan (Dillon Lane). Can any of them evade their proposed fate?
Well, if not, we wouldn't have much of a movie, but that doesn't mean that there aren't twists along the way, at least. Worth their weight in quirky character gold are two actors, P.J. Byrne (The Wolf of Wall Street, Big Little Lies) and stand-up comedian Tom Segura (Instant Family), as a would-be helpful priest and tech genius, respectively. Those two alone make the film more worth watching, even if you see most of the twists coming- and you probably will, unless you're new to horror.
The cast also includes Peter Facinelli (The Twilight Saga, Nurse Jackie) as a sleazy doctor that hits on his staff and then reports them to HR if they refuse his advances- guess he missed the #timesup memo- and, of all people, Tichina Arnold, aka "Pam" from TV's Martin, as Lail's character's BFF, and fellow nurse. They're both fine, but unless you're enough of a fan to be a completist, I can't imagine seeing this will do much for you.
It's all pretty much by the numbers- haha 😂- down to the last-minute twist, which you'll see coming a mile away. Lail is fine, as is the rest of the cast, but yeah, there's nothing much new going on here, save the aforementioned Byrne and Segura, who try their best to make the movie worth seeing, but yeah...I'm not entirely sure they succeed.
Although, to be fair, the film grossed $48 million on a budget of just over $6 million, so technically, mission accomplished- at least financially. But I say skip it, unless you're just a huge Lail fan like I am or it just happens to be on TV or something. I certainly wouldn't advise paying for it. 😝
Villains
Another one I watched primarily because of the leading lady- in this case, Maika Monroe, of It Follows and The Guest fame- Villains is a darkly comedic horror flick about a would-be Bonnie & Clyde that run afoul of their own naivety. To wit- or lack thereof- they go to rob a convenience store, but can't figure out how to open the register without scanning an item for purchase after the cashier passes out from fright. Then, while making their getaway, their car runs out of gas!
Forced to make a pit stop, they come upon a seemingly empty house and break in, hoping to siphon some gas from the car in the garage, but they stupidly overstay their welcome and the owners come home, forcing them to take the couple who live there hostage. But what happens when you break into the home of people that are WAY crazier than you are? Needless to say, these two find out the hard way.
In addition to Monroe, who plays Jules, the more sensitive of the two would-be criminals, there's Bill Skarsgård (Pennywise in the IT movies), playing against type as Mickey, the sort of big galoot that doesn't think quick on his feet but can get there if you give him a hot minute- and some food and/or drugs. It's fun to see the normally intimidating actor play a dopey doofus that is always his own worst enemy.
As the older couple, there's Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer) as Gloria, who longs for a baby, even though she's well-past the age where it will come easy; and Jeffrey Donovan (Burn Notice) as George, a well-mannered Southern gentleman that fancies himself a first-rate salesman. Will he be able to convince the younger couple to buy what he's selling?
There's also the mysterious child known only as "Sweetiepie" (Blake Baumgartner, City on a Hill, where she plays Sedwick's IRL hubby Kevin Bacon's daughter), who may or may not be the older couples' daughter, as well as the younger couples' ticket out of there- if they can get her to join their side, that is, which proves easier said than done.
Horror-comedies, as fans know, are a tough nut to crack. Too silly and the threat of the main villain- or in this case, "villains"- isn't enough to be effective; too serious and the comedy falls flat. It's a delicate tightrope, and one that often goes horribly awry. Villains lands squarely somewhere in the middle- it's not scary enough to get under your skin, nor is it funny enough to keep you consistently entertained.
That's not to say it doesn't have its moments, however. The five main performances are all pretty solid, and the actors are all perfectly cast in their respective roles, even Skarsgård, who is normally just plain creepy, even when he's playing someone who should be sympathetic, i.e. his role in Castle Rock. Here, he's actually the funniest thing in the movie. Go figure.
Villains comes on like a Wild at Heart/Natural Born Killers-type flick at first, then morphs into a home invasion thriller, with the admittedly novel twist of the home belonging to a couple of wackos that are worse than the people breaking in, but even that has been done before: see Don't Breathe, for one. Unfortunately, Villains is nowhere near as good as any of those films.
Not that it has to be, mind you, but it's the kind of film you're probably going to forget in a matter of weeks after watching it, which is too bad, as the pieces were in place to create something unique that stood out from the rest of the pack. As it stands, it's a perfectly watchable movie- it's just nothing you haven't seen before- and better.
Another drawing point for me was writer/directors Dan Berk and Robert Olsen, who showed promise with the Christmas horror of Body (see review here), which was also good, but not as good as it could have been. The same, alas, goes for this film. Better luck, next time boys, but this one is a skip for me, unless you're a big fan of any of the aforementioned actors, and even then, you've seen better from them elsewhere, I'm afraid. 😒
Apostle
I like to try and end these things on a high note, though that's not always possible. Fortunately, this time around, it is. Apostle is one of those films that I've been meaning to get around to, but sometimes these things fall through the cracks. But I randomly got around to it, finally, after hearing some positive things about it online, and seeing who was in the cast, which includes one of my favorite current actors, Dan Stevens, of FX's Legion and the movies The Guest and Disney's live-action Beauty & The Beast- he was the "Beast."
The plot is kind of hard to explain- it really is one of those films that's better experienced than explained, not unlike Blood Machines, but in a completely different way- think The Wicker Man or Kill List. Basically, the main plot is that Thomas Richardson (Stevens) is sent on behalf of his father's estate manager to investigate a claim that his beloved sister, Jennifer (Elen Rhys, World War Z) has been kidnapped by a cult located on an isolated island that is almost impossible to get into without the right credentials.
The wily Thomas manages it, though, albeit not without setting someone else up to take the fall intended for him. By virtue of realizing that the cult has no intention of giving his sister up willingly, he is able to maneuver certain things his way to set himself up to be able to rescue his sister before it's too late and she is killed- or perhaps even sacrificed to the island goddess, because, yes, of course, there is one, it being a cult and all. But is the goddess a willing participant in all this?
The answer to that is but one of the many twists and turns this oddball horror-thriller takes along the way to its darkly-realized climax, which does not feature a happy ending for all concerned, perhaps needless to say. It's a wild ride, but it's also very nuanced and takes its sweet time unfolding, which may not sit well with some modern viewers that prefer their horror to be more quickly-paced. Let's put it this way: if you hated The Witch (or, if you prefer, The VVitch) or Midsommar, you're probably going to hate this.
I don't mind a good Gothic thriller, though, having grown up on a steady diet of Vincent Price and Hammer Horror, and like I said, this is more like a variation on The Wicker Man, and I do mean the original version, not the "Oh, no, not the bees!" remake with Nicholas Cage, which is just bonkers. Basically, like that film, you follow one person's experience of what's going on, with only a few key scenes seen from outside his purview, in order to better explain certain plot elements.
Some may not like this approach, as it means you have to be patient, which is not exactly the trademark of the current generation- by which I mean Gen Y, not my generation, though we're not exactly known for it, either. I was a child of the 80's, which is when the whole MTV-style, quick-cut editing thing in movies began, so I get wanting to get to the point. Fortunately, I grew up with parents that encouraged my explorations of the past, both in movies and music, so I was more well-rounded that some members of my generation.
All of which is to say that this movie may not be for everyone, but if you like a good slow burn, this should be right up your alley. Also, the cast is pretty amazing, including Lucy Boynton (Bohemian Rhapsody), Mark Lewis Jones (Star Wars: The Last Jedi), Kristine Froseth (The Society) and a fiery-as-per-usual turn from Michael Sheen (Prodigal Son, Good Omens) as the leader of the cult.
But it's mainly Stevens' show, and he is more than up to the task, whether it's spying on the locals, wading through the (literal) muck, or battling weirdo masked men looking to grind his head into paste. Fair warning: things do get a bit violent here and there, but it is a horror flick. It's also par for the course for writer/director Gareth Evans, of The Raid movies fame. You do have to wait for most of the action until towards the end, but when it begins, it's fairly non-stop, so there's that.
I'm giving this one my highest recommendation of the week- by all means, check it out. It's available on Netflix now. 😁
Well, that about does it for now. Join me next week for some old-school movie reviews and more!
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