Slaughterhouse Rulez marks a reunion of sorts for stars- and executive producers- Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, best-known for the so-called "Three Flavours Cornetto" trilogy, or, if you prefer, the "Blood and Ice Cream" trilogy, which includes the films Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and The World's End, all of which were directed by Edgar Wright, of Baby Driver fame. The film is also the first release from Pegg and Frost's new production company, Stolen Picture, which will release both movies and TV shows.
Though not technically a part of the "Cornetto" trilogy, Slaughterhouse Rulez will absolutely appeal to those who enjoyed those films, even if the overall quality is not quite as high as the famed trilogy. Still, that's a high bar for anyone to cross, so that's not really a criticism, so much as a way of letting viewers know that, though it may seem on the face of things to be similar, it's actually kind of its own beast.
Basically, it's more in keeping with a British version of something like From Dusk till Dawn, which is to say, a film that starts out as one thing, then turns into something else altogether about halfway through. Whether you like the film as a whole will probably depend on how you feel about both individual parts as a whole, rather than one part over the other. Most will likely prefer one half to the other, and I can see where some might think it drags for the first half in particular.
Basically, the first half is a coming-of-age story. In the beginning of the film, we meet our protagonist, Don Wallace (Finn Cole, TV's Peaky Blinders and Animal Kingdom), who is still reeling from his father's death, when his mother informs him he'll be attending private school at the high-end facility known as Slaughterhouse Academy, and that it's basically non-negotiable, as she has paid his tuition in advance.
It doesn't take long for Wallace to realize there's a pecking order to things at the Academy, and that one must work their way up the ladder to be treated with respect. Wallace, of course, starts at the absolute bottom, and is paired with fellow outcast, Willoughby Blake (Asa Butterfield, TV's Sex Education), himself still reeling from the death by suicide of his former roommate, with whom he was very close.
Naturally, in no time Wallace finds himself smitten with someone who seems completely out of his league, Clemsie Lawrence (XXX: Return of Xander Cage, Star Wars: The Last Jedi), a sexy, sassy leader of her pack that seems to have her life all mapped out, down to the requisite sports-playing boyfriend, Smudger (Louis Strong, TV's Endeavor), who is about to be accepted into the school's not-so-secret-society, led by the smug, neo-Hitler Youth-looking prick Clegg (Tom Rhys Harries, of the British TV miniseries Jekyll & Hyde), who already has it out for Wallace practically at first sight.
In other words, this is all your standard teen drama set in what amounts to the British equivalent to high school. However, not unlike Hogwarts, this is no ordinary academy. Turns out that there are nocturnal, carnivorous critters living underneath the grounds, and that the efforts to frack the wooded area near the school have caused a sinkhole to form, which eventually allows said beasties to emerge and start attacking everyone in sight, which is what makes up the second half of the film.
Pegg and Frost fans should know the famed duo only have one brief scene together early on, so those expecting Shaun of the Dead-type shenanigans from them will come away disappointed, as the two fight their fearsome foes apart from one another, not together. Instead, it's the core group I described above that form the film's main focus, as we follow their progress throughout the film, as they first bond, then band together to fight the monsters at hand. As to be expected, not everyone makes it out alive.
The film also features Michael Sheen (TV's Masters of Sex, Good Omens) as "The Bat," aka the Headmaster of the school. Sheen is firmly in wacky mode here, as he was in his prior fantasy/horror flicks, the Underworld and Twilight series. As much as I like his serious dramatic work, I kind of prefer Sheen over-the-top, in particular his mental turn on The Good Fight. He's not quite that broad here, but he's still pretty goofy, which makes for a good time whenever his hapless character is on screen.
Also cropping up, albeit only briefly, is superstar Margot Robbie, who plays Pegg's character's absent, long-distance girlfriend, Audrey, who he suspects may be pulling away from him and towards a sexy doctor she's working with. Robbie literally phones in her performance, in that she only appears via footage on a phone or the occasional laptop. That's not to say she isn't welcome, just that it positively screams someone calling in a favor, likely Pegg, as he and Robbie co-starred in the film Terminal together, which she also produced. (See review here.)
The film was written and directed by Crispian Mills, son of actress Hayley Mills, of Disney's Pollyanna and The Parent Trap fame, and filmmaker Roy Boulting, of Twisted Nerve fame. Some of you may also remember Mills as the lead singer of the popular 90's British psychedelic rock band Kula Shaker, whom horror fans might recall covering the song "Hush" in the slasher flick I Know What You Did Last Summer.
The band still gets together from time to time, most recently reforming in 2016, with the album K2.0, a reference to their debut album, K, which was released back in 1996. Mills also has several side projects as a musician, including the bands Pi and The Jeevas. Mills started writing scripts in 2001, eventually landing his first proper film deal in 2010, with the movie A Fantastic Fear of Everything, which he also co-directed with music video director Chris Hopewell, and which also starred Pegg.
His solo debut feature, Rulez, shows a filmmaker coming into his own, and edging ever closer to something special. While neither this film or Fantastic are quite classics of their respective forms, they both show promise, and I feel like Mills is on the cusp of delivering something great the next time around. He certainly comes close here, but it's undeniable that the film drags a bit in the first half and never quite takes off until the second half.
Like I said, it's a lot like FDTD in that way, except I really enjoyed Dawn's first, more action-movie-type first half, almost as much as the second, horror-movie-oriented second half. I didn't hate the first half here, and the younger cast does a fine job in their respective roles, but all of it is nothing you haven't seen before, and better. Hell, even many of the cast members have done better variations of this film elsewhere, including Butterfield in Tim Burton's underrated Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children and Corfield in Pride & Prejudice & Zombies.
To say nothing of Pegg and Frost, who are perfectly adequate in their respective roles, but the film never quite achieves the heights of any given "Cornetto" film, I'm afraid. That said, the first half is certainly watchable, and the second half more than makes up for the slow parts by being packed wall-to-wall with action, much of it spectacularly gory and fun.
The creatures are pretty neat-looking, and suitably horrific, and the FX are mostly top-notch, save a few obvious CGI effects that are mostly used for explosions and the like. The rest appear to be practical effects, which I liked, being a bit of a purist about such things.
Overall, I would absolutely recommend the film to fans of Pegg and Frost and the "Cornetto Trilogy," so long as they know that the focus here is on the teens, not the adults, and that most of the adults are only in the film for brief periods of time, rather than being prominent throughout.
Of the younger cast, Butterfield, as ever, is a stand-out; Corfield is nothing if not easy on the eyes, and Cole makes for a properly brooding leading man, if a bit sullen at times- but then, that's what the role calls for, so it's not really his fault.
Slaughterhouse Rulez is kind of like its title, a bit too desperate to be hip, but when it relaxes and just has fun with things, it's an enjoyable watch. You just have to stick with it to get to the payoff, but it's more or less worth it, making for one of the more entertaining modern creature features I've seen in recent years, even if it's no Tremors or Slither. Hell, I'm just happy stuff like this is still getting greenlit, honestly.
So, even if it isn't perfect, it does ultimately get the job done, so I'll take it. If you like this sort of thing, then you'll probably like this- just keep your expectations low and hang in there during the first half, because the second half is great fun. As such, it's a mild recommendation at best, if you can keep your enthusiasm in check and don't go in expecting another Shaun of the Dead or The World's End, because this isn't that. 😐
Author's Note: This is not a new column, per se, it's just what happens when all your articles get shifted over a day one week and you have a thing for alliteration, lol. Anyway, we'll hopefully be back to normal next week, especially as the termite-related work in the front and back is winding down, finally, with only the painting and an additional spraying left.
However, the weather here, as ever, remains unpredictable, so if anything happens in that regard, I'll just do what I did last week and shift things over a day. In other words: shift happens. 😏
Now, onto our main feature...
When is a debut feature not a debut feature? When it's a student film in disguise. Multi-hyphenate Rick Sloane was still a film student at Los Angeles City College when he made Blood Theatre (aka Movie House Massacre) and boy, does it show. He was just a teenager when he wrote the script, and, having already made several shorts, many of which are referenced in the film itself, he decided it was time for something a bit more ambitious. (His referenced shorts include: Clown Whores of Hollywood, Chainsaw Chicks, Amputee Hookers and Nightmare Of The Lost Whores, all of which sound awesome- only the first one crops up in the movie itself via actual footage.)
Knowing he'd never get the permission to make a feature-length film, he simply turned in a ten-page treatment of the script and passed it off as another short, getting the okay to shoot it- and more crucially, borrow the equipment he needed to do it- as a direct result. Using unpaid local talent for the most part- save the one star he could afford, cult actress Mary Woronov- he then set about making his first feature on the sly while he was still in college.
Never really intending it for theatrical release, even Sloane knew the end result was an amateurish mess, which is why he initially credited it to his assistant director, Alice Raley, who happily took the credit when he opted not to, for the film's brief theatrical release. It was later rectified for home video release, after Sloane had a modest hit with the film Hobgoblins.
For the record, it didn't do her much good, but then I can't imagine Sloane thought it would, or probably even Raley herself- though he did continue to work with her for Hobgoblins, which she served as a production assistant on and helped him edit. Haley also appears as one of the "popcorn victims"- aka one of the people that has popcorn thrown in her face by the wily Selena (Joanna Morales, aka Joanna "Foxx").
Rather than be impressed at his moxie, Sloane's professors were brutal, telling him he should have shot it as a short, as there wasn't enough material to sustain a feature in the first place. Well, they weren't entirely wrong, but they weren't entirely right, either, as Sloane managed to land a deal for a theatrical release, anyway, albeit a brief one, since slasher films were still all the rage at the time, and few studio-types turned down the opportunity to make a quick buck from a low budget horror flick.
Critics weren't much kinder, but that's perhaps to be expected. Over the years, the film has acquired a bit of a cult following, thanks to Sloane's then-admittedly inept filmmaking skills, which feature oddball sound effects- including what sounds like a flare going off every time a door is opened- Sloane says he was actually going for a Star Trek sliding door "woosh"- and the cry of a wildcat when several people are attacked; and the trademark bad student film editing, where Sloane holds each scene a beat too long going out of an edit and then again, as he switches to a new scene, making for some hilariously delayed reactions.
The film's cast is also just terrible- save the lone professional of the bunch, Woronov, of course (who is deceptively made to look like the killer on the DVD cover above- she isn't) - and the lead actress bailed on the film 2/3rds of the way through, forcing Sloane to have to reshoot all of her scenes with a different actress (Jenny Cunningham), while another had a Valley Girl-style voice so grating (Morales), that Sloane opted to completely redub her performance with that of another actress!
I've actually had to deal with some of this sort of thing myself and it's no joke- my leading man opted out of my final short project in film school just before we were set to shoot it, and I ended up having to play the role myself, since we were only working with a skeleton crew and no one else could do it on such short notice. Said my professor after viewing the project: "And this is why directors should never act in their own films," lol. 😖
The dialogue is also pretty bad, though Sloane does manage to land the occasional funny bit, notably Woronov's snarky lines and most anything that comes out of Selena's mouth- or rather, doesn't, given that her performance was completely overdubbed.
Whoever delivered her actual lines, though- nice going, as the Foxx-y Morales is undeniably a highlight, as she breaks every rule in the employee handbook, including knocking the popcorn out of filmgoer's hands and into their face, berating the audience at one film in hilariously foul-mouthed fashion, and even flashing her boobs at them! 😲 My kind of girl, lol.
Sloane says they were going for a kind of slasher film as directed by John Waters, which is a great idea, even if the execution here leaves a lot to be desired. Waters did sort of do a couple of films that could be considered slasher-adjacent, including Multiple Maniacs and Serial Mom, both of which are pretty great, but even Waters on his worst day couldn't make anything quite as bad as this. The bad knife "acting" alone is the stuff of bad movie nirvana, as it seems as if everyone concerned has never brandished a knife in their lives.
As to be expected, hardly anyone here, whether the cast or anyone else involved, went on to do much of anything. I've covered star Mary Woronov previously, in my reviews for Seizure and Rock and Roll High School, so you'll excuse me if I keep things short in talking about her again. (Click on the respective links for more, including lots of pics.)
A former model-turned-actress, Woronov made her name as part of artist Andy Warhol's so-called "Factory," and starred in several of his films, notably Chelsea Girls. In the early 70's, she married filmmaker Theodore Gershuny. Though the marriage was short-lived, the two made several memorable movies together, including Sugar Cookies and the proto-slasher Silent Night, Bloody Night, which featured a lot of "Factory" alum in the cast.
However, her best-known cohort was undeniably writer/director/actor Paul Bartel, with whom she made any number of cult favorites, including Death Race 2000, Cannonball and Eating Raoul, the film she was coming off of making when she did Blood Theatre. She's also worked with everyone from Joe Dante (Hollywood Boulevard) to Cheech & Chong (Get Out of My Room) to Jim Wynorski (Chopping Mall) to Warren Beatty (Dick Tracy) to Gregg Araki (The Living End) and Rob Zombie (The Devil's Rejects).
One thing I've always loved about Woronov was the fact that she gives her all to whatever project she does, even those with the lowest of budgets- and even lower evidence of talent. Indeed, she even attended a screening of this film at the New Beverly (aka Quentin Tarantino's theatre) and participated in a Q&A afterwards, and this is hardly one of her best efforts.
You can see excerpts of said Q&A, which also features Sloane, along with a commentary track by Sloane on the recent Blu-Ray/DVD release from Vinegar Syndrome, which also features a new transfer of the film, and other goodies. I still can't believe we're living in a world in which a film like this gets the deluxe treatment on home video, but here we are. And it's kind of awesome, really.
The only other really notable cast member is David Millbern, who plays the younger version of the theatre owner. Your guess is as good as mine as to why he ages later on- maybe it's not actually a ghost and he survived the fire? Or more likely, the actor who played the younger version wasn't available for the rest of the shoot, lol. Either way, Millbern went on to bigger and better things, including being nominated for an Emmy for his work as a producer.
Horror, sci-fi and fantasy fans probably recognize him best from movies like Sorceress, Slumber Party Massacre, Midnight Confessions, Amanda & The Alien, Dead Weekend, Cyberella: Forbidden Passions, Menno's Mind (with Campbells Billy and Bruce), Doomsday Rock, Storm Chasers: Revenge of the Twister, Sweetheart Murders, Error in Judgment, Nostradamus, Red Team, Sanctimony, 2001: A Space Travesty, Deep Freeze, A Light in the Forest, Zolar, Chupacabra Terror, Fatal Reunion, Ice Spiders, Murder Dot Com, Something Evil Comes, The Nurse and Hush Up Sweet Charlotte.
Star Jenny Cunningham was in the pre-Empire Records comedy Record City and was the lead in a movie called Christiana, which featured a young Liam Neeson (the trailer's worth watching to see him dressed as a pilgrim!); Andrew Cofrin, who played Adrian, was in Monster in the Closet and Over Exposure; Cynthia Hartline, who played Jamie, was in Scalps and Biohazard; Joni Barnes, who played Dee Dee, was in Nights of Terror- after that, all of them were done.
The rest are strictly one-and-done, save Carl Bressler, who crops up as a pimp in one brief scene- he's been in quite a few flicks, including Avenging Angel, Arthur 2, Doppelganger, The Usual Suspects, The Californians and Frat Party. I don't think he even has a line here, though. Probably for the best, given his outfit, which features a feathered cap! (One of the prostitutes is Joanna Morales, BTW- she has her back to the camera, so as to hide her identity.)
Blood Theatre is absolutely ridiculous. The plot makes no sense- if the theatre was basically burnt down, why is it basically intact and looks like nothing happened years later, dave a few cobwebs? Why does the manager basically give Selena and Darcy a promotion when they are, like, the worst employees ever? Yes, Miss Blackwell does slap Selena at one point- well deserved, I might add- but, as she says, the fake makeup bruise Selena applies to make it look like she was abused on the job is on the wrong side of her face!
Obviously, Sloane didn't quite get the coverage he needed for certain scenes, but that doesn't explain all the inconsistencies in general, and like I said, that editing is hilariously inept, directly landing the film firmly in Ed Wood territory. And that score, also by Sloane, sounds like it was recorded on a Casio in demo mode, which doesn't help matters.
That said, Sloane fully owns up to the fact that it's a terrible movie, and regularly embraces it in its awful-ness in interviews and the video commentary, and such honestly is admittedly refreshing, especially in an era in which B-Movie filmmakers doing these sorts of things in retrospect tend to rewrite history and act as if they made the Citizen Kane of B-Movies- just have a listen to the hilarious commentary for the movie Jack-O, for a great example of such revisionist history.
Not so with Sloane. He's a filmmaker that knows he made a stinker, but is able to look back and laugh at it for what it was, and that's pretty cool. Ditto Woronov, for that matter. And if you like a good bad movie, then you, too, will be in for treat with this perfectly horrendous flick. Even at only 75 minutes, it drags a bit, but there's enough terrible stuff here to keep you entertained.
And the deaths, though often horribly executed, are often a lot of fun, notably the death by popcorn machine, the decapitation, and the amusing fire scene at the beginning, where the extras can't even run away right and keep bumping directly into each other!
It's thoroughly ridiculous throughout the entire film, and I just loved it. If you like bad movies, you probably will, too. By all means, check it out, but only if you like this sort of thing, because whoo boy, is it pretty terrible. In this case, that's a compliment, though. 😂
