The Hitman's Bodyguard is like one of those post-Tarantino action flicks that came out in a huge wave after the enormous success of his Pulp Fiction, only considerably after the fact, obviously. Now, mind you, some of those flicks weren't bad, but a lot of them were.
I suppose one could write this one off as a day late and a dollar short, if it weren't for the cast, which features a few vets from the man's movies, notably go-to guy Samuel L. Jackson and erstwhile vampire vixen Salma Hayek, who appeared in the QT-scripted cult classic From Dusk till Dawn.
Both are pretty great here, foul-mouthed AF and game for anything, including a memorable bar brawl for Salma, in which she single-handedly takes on a whole pack of angry drunk guys and merrily tears her way through them like shit through a goose.
It may well be the best scene in the movie, especially with a slack-jawed Jackson looking on, falling in love with each passing moment as she flat-out kills any number of them. Of course, mass slaughter doesn't typically spell true love in the real world, but this is the movies, so here it absolutely does.
That scene is effectively contrasted with another, in which all hell breaks loose at a wedding, which is where the bodyguard of the title, Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) first lays eyes on his own lady love, Amelia (Elodie Yung, "Elektra" on Netflix's Daredevil and The Defenders), also kicking ass and taking names.
As you might have guessed by now, this is a cartoon of a movie, pitched somewhere between the over-the-top antics of the QT-scripted Natural Born Killers (minus the dark underbelly) and the free-for-all of the aforementioned FDTD's second half. It's nowhere near as good as either, but for the non-discerning viewer, it's a pleasant enough time-waster, I suppose.
The plot revolves around Bryce, who is well on his way towards the top of his game as a professional bodyguard when tragedy strikes and one of his most high-profile clients is killed, right in front of his eyes. The problem is, he only told his girlfriend, Amelia. Flash-forward a few years, and Bryce has lowered himself to working for low-end, coked-out, paranoid businessmen.
We see one, as played by noted character actor Richard E. Grant (Logan, Hudson Hawk), proving that, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. This shows that, though Bryce may be down, he's not out, and is still top-notch at his job, even if he is effectively living out of his car and has split from his GF, who has risen in the ranks in the meantime, as he has fallen from them.
Amelia's latest gig is overseeing the transport of a high-profile witness, who can help put away the genocidal Russian madman Dukhovich, played by Gary Oldman, in check-cashing mode, as the type of madman he could play in his sleep. (Hopefully, his recent Oscar win will help get him some better roles in better movies.)
Unfortunately for her, karma's a bitch, as it goes completely sideways, thanks to a leak of her own, causing her to have to go off the FBI's radar and recruit someone outside her own ranks, until she can suss out who the leak is. For that, she naturally goes to her ex, who is about as off the radar as one can get at the moment.
Unfortunately for him, the witness turns out to be the notorious Darius Kincaid (Jackson), a hitman-for-hire that has caused Bryce lots of trouble in the past. In no time, the two are at each other's throats, but whether they like it or not, they have to work together, or else Kincaid is doomed- though he is inclined to think otherwise and constantly trying to light out on his own, consequences be damned.
Naturally, in time, these two bond and learn to recognize that they need each other. Kincaid, because a virtual army is after him, and Bryce, because he needs to get his life back on track, and, unlikely as it seems, Kincaid is actually a voice of reason insofar as that sort of thing is concerned. Things go from there, with lots of oft-ridiculous action along the way.
Is it remotely believable, from the plot, to the nature of the action? Not even close. Like I said, this is a glorified old-school WB cartoon, back when cartoons didn't shy away from that sort of thing- think Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, or Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd at their most destructive. You halfway expect Bryce or Kincaid to paint a fake black tunnel on the side of a rock wall for the bad guys to crash into at one point.
That said, it is a lot of fun, if you're in the right mood, assuming that you don't mind a half-baked QT-knock-off now and again, even this late in the game. Jackson is in full-blown Jules Winnfield mode here, minus most of the moral compass- except when it comes to love (aww)- and Reynolds is in full-on wise-cracking Van Wilder mode, with a little bit of Deadpool-style action hero coolness for good measure.
To be sure, this is no Pulp Fiction, or even Deadpool. But it's no xXx or Green Lantern, either, so there's that. The game cast helps, as does the near non-stop action, and if some of the dialogue is a bit ripe, at least Jackson and Reynolds do their damnedest to sell it to the best of their abilities, and they have just enough charisma between them to pull it off.
The directing is about what you'd expect from the guy behind The Expendables 3, but he gets the job done, I suppose, so he did what he was hired for. The script is pretty cliched, but, like I said, Jackson and Reynolds are just charming enough to make you not care you've seen this sort of thing a billion times before in any number of "buddy cop"-type movies, even if technically neither one of these people are cops, much less buddies- at least until the script calls for it.
As such, it's perfect time-killing action movie fodder for cable, rental or streaming. It's not looking to win any awards, just entertain, and in that sense, it gets the job done, just like its two main protagonists.
I can't bring myself to hate on it for its shortcomings, of which there are many, but I'll just call it a day and say, if you THINK you'll like this from what I've said here or what you've seen in previews, then you probably will. You can do a lot worse, that's for sure.
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