If you grew up in the 80's or 90's, and you had access to HBO or, in particular, its sister channel Cinemax- affectionately known as "Skinemax" among those in the know, for its preponderance of movies with copious nudity and sex- then, even if you don't know the name Andy Sidaris, you probably know his work, which was in heavy rotation on TV during that time.
Sidaris started out as a sports guy, directing years of coverage of football, basketball and other such sporting events. He even won an Emmy for his efforts directing footage of the Olympics in 1968, and was perhaps best-known as the primary director for ABC's Wide World of Sports, a position he held for some 25 years. He also got some notice for pioneering the so-called "honey shot," aka spotlighting pretty girls on the field (as in cheerleaders) and off (those in the stands watching).
Knowing that, it makes perfect sense that once Sidaris turned his attention to proper filmmaking, he would make the kind of films he did. Amongst fans, they were known as "Triple B" movies, which stood for, depending who you asked, either "Bullets, Bombs and Babes" or, more commonly among the Skinemax contingent, "Bullets, Bombs and Boobs." If you tuned into a Sedaris film, then chances were you were getting a solid amount of all three, and you typically wouldn't have to wait long, either.
Critics dubbed his stuff trash and softcore pornography- which is fair- but Sedaris also knew exactly what he was doing and knew how to deliver the goods to a certain crowd, so few of his fans were complaining about the content of his films beyond said critics. Basically, if you're one of my younger readers, he was like Michael Bay, if he actually had the courage of his convictions. Sedaris was basically Russ Meyer by way of 70's-era Roger Corman, in that you knew exactly what you were going to get with his films going in.
Sedaris first proper feature film, after the racing documentary The Racing Scene, was 1973's Stacey, co-funded by Corman and Sidaris himself. Though crudely done, it set the stage for what was to come, establishing the formula right off the bat that would make his work a late-night cable staple for well over a decade, down to starring a Playboy Playmate in the lead (Anne Randall), playing an action-oriented role traditionally reserved for men. In Sidaris' world, women were the bad-asses, long before that was par for the course.
He honed his craft knocking out dramatic TV content for shows like Kojak and The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, before returning to filmmaking in 1979 with Seven, a far better, slicker film that showed how much he'd learned over the intervening years. This film also introduced some of his more oddball trademarks, such as offing bad guys in unique, unpredictable ways that were genuinely surprising and left-of-center.
Encouraged by his modest box office success, Sidaris went into filmmaking full-time in the mid-80's, which is when he started churning out the films that would make his name in earnest. Malibu Express, released in 1985, was the first in what became known as his "Triple B" series, sometimes also known as "L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies." (Not sure what the "LETHAL" part is supposed to stand for. Anybody else?)
Sidaris would go onto to make twelve such films, with his wife Arlene T. Sidaris serving as his producer. All of his flicks have their respective followers, but it's the first four: Malibu Express, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Picasso Trigger and Savage Beach- that he is arguably best-known for overall. All four films were in heavy rotation on cable during the late-80's-to-the-mid-90's, so if you were one of those guys (or same sex-leaning girls) that were prone to watching films that featured the tell-tale "N" (for nudity), "SC" or "SSC" (for sexual content, or the jackpot: strong sexual content) in the viewer's guides, then you almost certainly saw at least one of these, if not every one.
Other Sedaris films included: Guns, Do or Die, Hard Hunted, Fit to Kill (another popular one), Enemy Gold, The Dallas Connection, Day of the Warrior and L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies: Return to Savage Beach, the sequel to Warrior and Sidaris' final film. After that, he retired in the late 90's and sadly passed away from throat cancer in 2007. Some of you might also remember his work being prominently featured on episodes of The Movie Channel's Joe-Bob's Drive-In Theater, circa '93-'95, as hosted by the legendary John "Joe Bob Briggs" Bloom, one of the few movie critics that "got it."
Malibu Express is essentially a reworking of his prior film, Stacey, only this time around he actually does make the lead a man: Darby Hinton plays private investigator Cody Abilene, a former Texan-turned-Californian with an eye for the ladies that sometimes gets him into hot water. The titular Malibu would be the beach of the same name, and the Malibu Express the name of the boat he resides on.
Amusingly, Sidaris opts to make his hero often less than heroic- he can't shoot a gun to save his life, despite toting one around that's the size of a small cannon; he loses several car races to these ridiculous rednecks that are constantly challenging him, save the last one (and he uses his father's souped-up car to pull it off, giving him an unfair advantage); he has his ass basically handed to him in the one big fight he gets into, and he doesn't even technically solve the case he's hired to until after he's jailed the wrong person and the culprit gets away scot-free! You had one job, Abilene!
Luckily, he's surrounded by a near-constant barrage of babes that are much more competent and often end up doing the lion's share of the work for him. For instance, he gets into multiple shoot-outs with rando bad guys, in which he misses his targets with astonishing regularity, forcing his cop girlfriend, Beverly (Lori Sutton) to literally constantly push him out of the way so that she can actually get the job done!
Granted, a lot of these ladies are mostly there for eye-candy purposes, but they certainly seem game for the job, as the nudity is wall-to-wall and most of them seem happy to do it. Understandable, being as how at least four of them are Playboy Playmates- and even identified as such in the hilariously retro-computer graphics opening credits.
The ladies in question are as follows: Kimberly McArthur (Faye), Barbara Edwards (May), Lorraine Michaels (Liza Chamberlain), and Lynda Wiesmeier (June Khnockers). Note the last name of Wiesmeier's character, which, naturally, is a running gag in the movie, though perhaps not quite in the way you think. (The "H" part is the gag, not the fact that she has considerable ones.)
Be all that as it may, like I said, most of these women are more competent at their respective jobs than Cody, who ceases to notice many of them double-crossing him or doing things behind his back until it's already too late to stop them- and someone even gets shot on his watch in the house he's living in for most of the film, so he's not very good at protecting those in danger, either.
To be fair, though, the plot is so convoluted and crazy, it's understandable that Cody doesn't figure it out until the very end- there's even a lifelike, Mission Impossible-style mask involved, and yes, a self-destructing cassette tape, and basically, the culprit gives themselves up, but only after leaving town and it's too late to do anything about it. So Cody really doesn't solve anything beyond following the clue trail the perpetrator left behind, just in case he didn't figure it out and someone else went down for a crime they didn't commit- which is indeed almost the case.
The cast is mostly made up of unknowns, but a few have some modest credits to their name worth mentioning. Leading man Darby Hinton was a child star best-known for playing Daniel Boone's son on NBC's popular Fess Parker-starring incarnation of the famed character. He was in 110 episodes of the popular series, which ran from 1964-1970.
He was mostly a TV actor until the mid-70's, at which point he started doing more movies in his twenties, beginning with a supporting role in 1974's The Treasure of Jamaica Reef (aka Evil in the Deep), alongside a young Cheryl Ladd, footballer Rosey Grier and his Malibu co-star Art Metrano.
Other notable films include: Mr. Sycamore (about a man who "decides" he'd rather be a tree!), Black Oak Conspiracy, Hi-Riders, Goodbye Franklin High, Angels' Brigade (aka Angels' Revenge), Do It in the Dirt, The Return, Without Warning (loved that one as a kid), Firecracker (see review here), Wacko, Dark Future, Stargames, They Crawl, Just for Kicks (with the Sprouse twins) and Wild Faith. He also continued to do lots of guest shots on TV throughout the 80's, 90's and 2000's.
Perhaps the movie's biggest name, however, at least if you regularly watched movies like this in the 70's and 80's, is undeniably co-star Sybil Danning, who gives new meaning to "supporting actress." Let's put it this way- that woman knows how to fill out a dress... and a bikini... and well, anything else, really. And I'm pretty sure they're the real deal, too, which is more than one can say for a lot of Playmates after a certain point- the 80's being said point.
Being as how Danning had been on the scene long before such things were common, I'm guessing she didn't have any help in that department. Russ Meyer would have loved her. Alas, he was done with filmmaking by the late 70's, so he never quite had the opportunity, which is a damn shame. At the very least, he was probably well aware of her- weren't we all, in terms of cult movie fans?
Born in Austria, Danning naturally started out making films in the region, though she did crop up in the early Robert DeNiro flick The Swap (aka Sam's Song) way back in 1969. Most of her early work was of the sexploitation variety, including several of the popular "Sex Report" series: the most popular were the "Schoolgirl Report" films, which spawned thirteen films in all (!) - Danning was in some of the spin-offs, including one of the "Housewife Report" films and one of the "Husband Report" films.
However, she did appear in one popular German action/fantasy flick, The Long Swift Sword of Siegfried (aka The Lustful Barbarian), which pointed the way towards her more successful endeavors in the future. She also fared well in the popular giallo films of the 70's, including Eye in the Labyrinth and the seminal The Red Queen Kills Seven Times.
But it was her turns in the more mainstream films Bluebeard and The Four Musketeers (and its sequel) that got her noticed in earnest in America, and she worked steadily after that in both Europe and the States, albeit for the most part as the requisite eye candy in a lot of films. Her credits during this period include: Operation Thunderbolt, Crossed Swords, The Concorde: Airport '79, Meteor, The Man with Bogart's Face, Separate Ways and How to Beat the High Cost of Living.
That said, it was undeniably her work in B-movies that she is best remembered for. Roger Corman cast her in his would-be sci-fi epic Battle Beyond the Stars, which led to even more memorable B-movie roles, such as in the classic Chained Heat, as well as films like Nightkill, Julie Darling, Hercules (with Lou Ferrigno), They're Playing with Fire (really dug that one as a kid), Jungle Warriors, The Panther Squad, Howling II, Young Lady Chatterley II (another Skinemax fave), Private Passions, The Tomb, the essential Reform School Girls (with punk rocker Wendy O. Williams, of the Plasmatics), Warrior Queen, Amazon Women on the Moon, The Phantom Empire, L.A. Bounty, Virus X and cameos in Rob Zombie's Halloween and his "Werewolf Women of the SS" faux trailer in Grindhouse. She's a freaking legend in my book.
Finally, there's character actor Art Metrano, a New York-based thespian known for playing bumbling comedic types, perhaps best-known as Mauser in the Police Academy series. His role here is no different- he's almost as incompetent as a villain as Cody is as a hero, but Metrano is so amusingly over-the-top, it's hard not to laugh at him.
Metrano's been a regular on TV since the early 60's, so chances are, if you're a certain age, you've seen him in something, whether it's Bewitched, Ironside, Baretta, L.A. Law, Party of Five or any number of guest shots on practically any popular show you can name.
Movie credits include: They Shoot Horses, Don't They?, They Only Kill Their Masters, Slaughter's Big Rip-Off, Dirty O'Neil, Warhead, Matilda (the one with the kangaroo, not the Roald Dahl one), Sidaris' Seven, Cheaper to Keep Her, Going Ape!, History of the World: Part One, Breathless, Teachers, Beverly Hills Body Snatchers, Real Men Don't Eat Gummi Bears (great title!), Toys, Murder in Mind, How Stella Got Her Groove Back and Good Advice.
Aside from a tongue-in-cheek "cameo" (via the television) by Regis and Joy Philbin, who are indeed listed in the credits, most of the cast were only in a small handful of films, if that, but a few have credits worth a mention, I suppose. Let's start with the Playmates.
Kimberly McArthur (Faye, one the "girls next door") was in the medical movie spoof Young Doctors in Love, Easy Money (where she played another sexy "girl next door"), the TV-miniseries Elvis and Me and the TV soap Santa Barbara, but she is probably best-known to genre fans for her role in the camp-tastic Slumber Party Massacre II.
The other "girl next door," May, is played by Barbara Edwards, who wasn't just a monthly Playmate, she was Playmate of the Year in 1984. As such, she did loads of Playboy home videos, much more so than McArthur. She made her acting debut on an episode of the show Matt Houston and had a recurring role on The New Mike Hammer.
Malibu Express was her film debut, and she followed that up with a small role in Terminal Entry, another film dealing with computers and foreign terrorists; and a bigger role in the Bruce Greenwood/Vanessa Angel rom-com, Another Chance. Sadly, that was it for her acting career after that.
Lorraine Michaels, who played the sultry Liza Chamberlain, was born in England, and her father was in the Air Force, so she moved around a lot- living in no less than 22 states in America! She was working as a bank teller when a Playmate recommended her to try out for Playboy, where she became Playmate of the month in April of '81.
A brief acting career followed, as she made her debut in, appropriately enough, the Playboy-centric Star 80 (though the picture it paints isn't a rosy one, if you've seen the film). Other films include: Business as Usual, Distant Voices Still Lives and B.O.R.N.
Finally, there's the buxom Lynda Wiesmeier, as the goofily-named June Khnockers. A Playmate in July of '82, she had the most successful acting career of the bunch, with roles in movies like: Evil Town, Tricks of the Trade (with a young, pre-Prince Patty "Apollonia" Kotero), American Pop, Joysticks, Private School (with Phoebe Cates and Betsy Russell- another Skinemax fave), Preppies, Avenging Angel, Wheels of Fire, Touch and Go, Real Genius and Teen Wolf.
Shelley Taylor Morgan, who played Anita Chamberlain, the blonde troublemaker of the family, also had a solid acting career, appearing in the TV Movie Marilyn: The Untold Story, The Sword & The Sorcerer, My Tutor, Scarface, Cross My Heart and the TV shows Hunter and Tales from the Crypt. However, her main claim to fame is her turn on the long-running soap General Hospital, where she played Lorena Sharp for several years.
If the ill-fated tough guy Shane looks familiar, that's because Brett Baxter Clark was all over 80's cinema, including turns in Night Shift, Double Exposure, Bachelor Party, Young Lady Chatterley II (also with Sybil Danning), Alien Warrior, Last Resort, Off the Mark, Eye of the Eagle, Delta Force Commando, Cobra Mission 2 and the immortal Teen Witch. He continued to work through the 90's in lesser-known projects, but did work with Sidaris again in Fit to Kill in 1993. He retired from acting in the early 2000's.
Also worth a mention are Lori Sutton, who played Cody's police love interest and often saved his bacon in the clutch, and was in History of the World: Part One, Looker, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Up the Creek, A Polish Vampire in Burbank and Night Patrol; and Robyn Hilton, who played the leggy Maid Marian, had a memorable bit in Blazing Saddles as Mel Brooks' red-headed lady-friend, and was in The Single Girls (see review here), Those Mad, Mad Moviemakers, Video Vixens and Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze.
And fun fact: there's a reason Michael A. Andrews- who played the cross-dressing Stuart Chamberlain that is tougher than he looks- was so convincing in his role: turns out he was a professional drag queen, and even won a competition as such in 1977! (Yep, that's him in BOTH pics above.) He also crops up in Sidaris' Hard Ticket to Hawaii, and was in the films Avenging Angel, Talking Walls (also with Sybil Danning) and Surrender, with Sally Field.
While the film does have some unfortunately casual homophobia and the occasional racist commentary from the bad guys, it's made clear that it's the bad guys who feel that way, and that, as aforementioned, the actual gay character may be effeminate, but he's not above standing up to the tough guys- and even Cody mentions he's got great legs! To Sedaris' credit, he also has some racy shots of the fellas scattered throughout the film, though it's obvious where his real attention lies. Still, points for trying, at a time when such things were a bit iffy.
Malibu Express is admittedly pretty ridiculous at times, but it's also a film that knows exactly what it is. I like that it's all pretty tongue-in-cheek, from the wonky old-school computer graphics that open the film and the painfully 80's sequence that follows (Cody rolls up in a red DeLorean, with a cowboy hat, sunglasses and a 70's porn-tastic moustache, with a cowhide-covered suitcase containing a massive Dirty Harry-style gun in hand- later on, he even quotes the film), to the genuinely surprising denouement, which is better thought-out than it really needed to be.
Granted, it won't win any awards for subtlety, but then, it's not trying to, really. Sidaris packs on the T&A and the action, and there's rarely a dull moment, with the helicopter/car chase a definite highlight. Yes, there's some stereotypical characters and most of the girls are only there as eye candy, but such was the case for a lot of 80's films. You can either deal with it, or watch something else. If you're looking for political correctness, this is definitely not the place. As they say, it was a different time.
But having grown up watching a lot of this stuff, it was really fun revisiting it for the first time in many a moon. It really brought me back to my childhood, where I would absolutely watch stuff solely for the nudity, and, to a lesser extent, the action. That it managed to hold up, in spite of my having grown up since then, and actual porn being readily available online at any given moment, is a testament to Sidaris' inherent talents as a filmmaker that knew how to deliver the goods to a certain crowd. You know who you are- and I'm clearly still one of them! 😜😉
By all means, check this one out, and don't be surprised if I end up reviewing some more of Sidaris' work in the not-so-distant future- I have the DVD box set, after all, which I highly recommend. It's called "Guns, Girls and G-Strings," which seems about right, and contains a whopping twelve films. His films are also available on Blu-Ray as well. If you like this, you'll definitely dig the set as well. 😃
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