Okay, so technically this one doesn't take place on or around Halloween- that I know of, at least, as the month or date is never mentioned in the film, insofar as I know- but I certainly associate it with Halloween, as I'm sure a lot of you of a certain age do that also grew up with it, as it tended to crop up on cable back in the day around this time of year. As I haven't seen it in many a moon, at least since I was a teenager- if not a tween- this one firmly fit into the category of: I liked it as a kid... but would it hold up now that I was an adult? We shall see.
You know, it's funny, but nowadays online, in this age of outrage for outrage's sake, you often hear a lot of hyperbole about how a certain remake or reboot "ruined my childhood," as if the original movie (or book, if it's an adaptation) didn't still exist and couldn't be revisited whenever someone wanted to do so. Think the whole "Lady Ghostbusters" thing or the countless horror movie remakes that have come out in recent years.
But, if you really think about it, few things ruin our childhood quite like revisiting something we loved as a kid but, when we go to watch it again, discovering that it's not really as great as we once thought it was. As such, you have to wonder, are some things better left in the past? I had a feeling I'd find out with Transylvania 6-5000, but I just couldn't help myself when I stumbled upon it on cable recently, having not seen it in ages.
On the one hand, the cast is pretty excellent, in a retro sense. We're talking a young Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis- this was, in fact, the film they met and fell in love making, believe it or not (actually not that hard to believe once you see Davis' outfit here- talk about bazonkers! 😜)- as well as respected character actors like Ed Begley Jr., Joseph Bologna, Carol Kane, John Byner, and, okay, the more problematic inclusion of Michael "Kramer" Richards and Jeffrey Jones- who, say what you will about their respective moral compasses, are nonetheless still pretty fantastic comedic actors with some solid resumes.
It's also got one of my favorite B-movie tropes: the original theme song, typically by someone you've never heard of before or since. In this case, it's the uncredited band PC 2000, which features lyrics co-written by Paul Chiten, who also wrote original songs for movies like Witness, Gung Ho, Street Smart, Queens Logic and Coming to America, as well as the theme from the TV show Wonder Pets, for whatever that's worth. The song is a lot of fun and put a big smile on my face early on- listen to it here.
Oh, and in case you were unaware, the film's title is a play on the old Glenn Miller song "Pennsylvania 6-5000," and may or may not have been cribbed from the title of the old Bugs Bunny cartoon of the same name. The revised version of the song plays over the end credits, and can be heard here. The song also serves as a sort of proto-ringtone in the film itself, where the phone is allowed to play the tune of the song out until it reaches the titular phrase, upon which the person answering the phone- typically Frejos- utters said phrase. Is funny, no? (Actually, that phone, as seen above, is pretty freaking cool.)
The film revolves around two reporters (Goldblum and Begley Jr.), who are ordered to investigate a modern-day Frankenstein Creature spotted in Transylvania, who attacked some tourists, who managed to capture the incident on film, which was somehow obtained by the hapless twosome's boss- and in the case of Begley's character- his dad (Norman Fell, of Three's Company fame). The two are told to come back with something printable- or to not come back at all.
No sooner do they arrive than they become a literal laughing stock- seriously, when Begley's character asks about Frankenstein, there's a sequence in which the townspeople cackle at him for a good two minutes straight! Yep, that's the level of humor we're dealing with here, and it doesn't get much better from there, sad to say.
Perhaps needless to say, things only get goofier from there, as the two encounter all manner of dubious stuff, from, yes, a Frankenstein's monster (Peter Buntic, who did the stunts for the semi-notorious Gymkata) to a Wolfman (writer/director Rudy De Luca when he's human; Donald Gibb, aka "Ogre" from Revenge of the Nerds, when he's in creature form) to a sexy mummy (Ksenia Prohaska, who played Marlene Dietrich in Bugsy) and even sexier vampiress (Davis, who went onto co-star with Goldblum in the equally silly Earth Girls are Easy and the excellent The Fly remake).
Bologna (My Favorite Year, Big Daddy) plays an iffy doctor who may or may not be responsible for all of this- think Dr. Frankenstein- with Byner (a fixture on 70's/80's TV, i.e. Laugh-In, The Carol Burnett Show, The Hollywood Squares, Bizarre and Silk Stalkings) as his Igor-like manservant, with a little help from his ditzy maid wife (Kane, just as wacky here as she is on The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt).
Jones (Beetlejuice, Ferris Bueller's Day Off) plays the mayor of Transylvania, who also runs the castle/hotel the reporters stay in, and who is frantically trying to cover up all this silliness when he discovers that Goldblum and Begley are trying to do an exposé on the town. Richards ("Kramer" on Seinfeld) plays the hapless, clumsy bellboy of the hotel that moonlights as a would-be comedian that is constantly trying out his dubious material on the unwilling duo, with limited success.
The film was written and directed by the aforementioned Rudy De Luca, who co-founded the legendary Comedy Store with Sammy Shore in Hollywood. He's also known for his extensive work with the equally-legendary Mel Brooks, having co-written many of his movies, including Silent Movie, High Anxiety, Life Stinks and Dracula: Dead and Loving It, as well as acting in all of the above and History of the World, Part II, Spaceballs and Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Other notable credits include: The Return of Count Yorga, Fatso, The Silence of the Hams, Gold Diggers and HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm.
In spite of this admittedly impressive line-up of talented people, all of whom work overtime to make the material work, the fact of the matter is that the movie just isn't that great. Most of the jokes fall flat, and much of the slapstick is groan-inducing and was already tired by the time this film was made, if not decades before- think The Three Stooges, Laurel & Hardy and Buster Keaton, only not as funny.
I mean, don't get me wrong: I laughed here and there, but it was usually of the half-hearted variety. Probably the funniest scene is the one in which, apropos of nothing, Frejos (Richards) is shown randomly riding one of those kids' coin-operated animals in a closet when Gil (Begley Jr.) opens the door, and he asks him if he's seen Dracula. "Once, when it first came out in theaters," he replies. 😄
That's the level of comedy we're dealing with here, which is to say, perfect for kids, more or less, the sexy Davis' eye-popping attire notwithstanding. I can definitely see where kids would love this, while adults will do more groaning than laughing. I certainly loved it back when I saw it on cable in the late 80's, early 90's. I also seem to recall quoting it with friends, particularly the recurring Frejos' line: "Is good, ya? Is funny?" But, yeah, if one of the cast members has to literally keep asking throughout the movie if something is funny, newsflash: it probably isn't that funny.
Basically, this movie is kind of like a dry run for the Hotel Transylvania animated series, but with slightly more ribald humor, i.e. the reporters see something rustling in the bushes and think it might be the Wolfman, but it turns out to be a couple fooling around ("I'm sorry, I thought it was an animal," says Goldblum- "Oh, he is," says the female half of the couple).
I mean, I've seen lots worse, so really, it's fine for kids overall- there's no nudity and just a smidge of foul language- it's a soft "PG" at best, and if you find it on regular cable TV in its edited form, I imagine it would come off as being closer to a "G," save maybe Davis' revealing outfit, which would make for one hell of a Halloween costume for the ladies.
So, yeah, it absolutely has not aged well, and it's not all that funny overall, but if you grew up with it, it's good for some mild laughs, and if you didn't, then it's still moderately fun to see a young Goldblum, Davis and Richards before they were big stars camping it up in something so overwhelmingly silly. I'm guessing they don't rank it very high on their resumes these days- nor would anyone else, really- but I had fun with it on the whole, even if I was just this side of bored early on, before the monsters show up in earnest.
It does have a moderately clever twist in the end, though some things are left unexplained- notably why Bologna's character goes bat-shit crazy when he steps foot in his lab, but is perfectly fine otherwise. Overall, though, the movie is kind of pedestrian and certainly isn't up to the standards of De Luca's work with Brooks- including even his lesser credits with the famed writer/director.
The best I can say about this is that it brought back some good memories of my childhood, and if you grew up with it, it may do the same for you, too. If not, you'll probably find it meandering and unfunny- because it totally is, for the most part. I imagine the PC Police will also find much to complain about as well, given the way women are treated in the film- Radu constantly berates and belittles his wife; Jack borderline, if not outright, sexually harasses Elizabeth- ditto Odette and Gil- not that he should be complaining about it, mind you.
So, if you've got nothing better to watch, and you like any of the cast, maybe give it a shot, otherwise, maybe steer clear. The film is readily available on DVD and just came out this year on Blu-Ray. The film features a commentary by the writer-director, which I haven't heard, but would probably listen to if I had the opportunity to, just for the hell of it. Hell, if anything, I can see where it might be more entertaining than the film itself.
Is funny, no? Um, no... not really. 😏
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