Rob Zombie's films have always been pretty divisive, going all the way back to House of 1000 Corpses, which some deemed shrill and cartoonish, while others saw it as just the shot in the arm that horror needed at the time. (The name of my blog should tell you how I feel.) Most everyone that likes his stuff widely acknowledge The Devil's Rejects as his masterpiece, and the film he's basically been trying to recapture the magic of ever since.
Things took a turn in earnest when he made the perhaps unwise decision to remake the John Carpenter classic, Halloween. To this very day, one of the quickest ways to start an argument online on social media revolving around horror films is to proclaim that Zombie's version is better than Carpenter's. Longtime fans of the original rightfully claim that what makes the original so scary is what we don't know- the mystery of Michael Myers, aka "The Shape," and his motives for doing what he does- while defenders of Zombie's film like that it "explains things better."
But even Zombie's fans had to admit that Halloween II was a full-on cash-in that even Zombie admits he didn't want to do, and basically only did for the money and to help fund a project he wanted to do, which ended up being the even more divisive Lords of Salem, which was kind of like Zombie' stab at arthouse horror, a la Ken Russell. Some fans loved it, others hated it with a fiery passion. I dug it, but I get why some people didn't care for it- it's got a different vibe from his other films. To me, it's Zombie trying to spread his wings and do something different, while others see it as an unwelcome departure from his usual style.
To that end, it was back to the drawing board, with Zombie trying to think of a way to please both the fans and himself, ultimately coming up with a movie that split the difference between his first two films, which remain his most celebrated. To that end, the first section of 31 features the sort of gleefully crass camaraderie of the Firefly clan when they were on the road, while the bulk of the film combines the colorful villains and bizarre setting of Corpses with the gritty realism of Rejects. But does it satisfy either contingent- which is to say, those who prefer Corpses to Rejects or vice versa?
Well, even as a fan, I was hesitant to even watch this one, the advance word was so bad. And mind you, I'm not talking about the mainstream press trashing it, which is to be expected, but even the horror press and the fans seemed to be unsatisfied by it, with the many detractors saying that it basically played as a complete retread of stuff Zombie has done before, and better. It probably didn't help that the film was crowd-sourced... twice.
Perhaps just as interestingly, Zombie has yet to deliver on an unrated version, like he has with most of his films. Although Amazon has a German edition that purports to be uncut- however, I haven't seen that one, nor am I willing to pay outlandish prices for one- if anyone's seen that version, by all means let me know if it makes a difference one way or another. This would seem to be because of the negative reception to the film, given that several years have passed and there's still not one available to the masses.
None of this exactly inspired enthusiasm, as I finally sat down to watch 31 for the first time, even though I've had it since it came out of Blu-Ray/DVD. I mean, did I really want to watch a film that even his fans hated, much less a watered-down version of it that had to be submitted to the MPAA three times before it got an "R" rating? Well, in my quest to watch October and Halloween-themed films, this was the one that came up the most besides the Halloween series itself, so I figured, what the hell. Time to bite the bullet, for better or worse.
So, look, I don't know what people were expecting, but it's neither the worst thing Zombie's done- that would still be Halloween II, a mirthless affair that you could tell even Zombie resented himself for making- nor even remotely the best. Yes, it's a retread of his other stuff to a certain degree, making it play kind of like a "greatest hits" flick- the movie equivalent of going to one of his concerts, if you will. But it's firmly within his wheelhouse, so I didn't find it any worse- if admittedly not better, either- than most of what he's done to date.
Basically, it's just a Rob Zombie film in which you get what you paid for. You wanted to see a group of friends tortured and killed by a group of sadistic clowns? Well, that's what this is, more or less. Is it scary? Not particularly. But it does feature an indelible performance from Richard Brake as Doom-Head, which Zombie wisely places front and center in arguably the best opening sequence to any of his films. Brake is a classic Zombie villain in the mold of Bill Moseley's Otis, and easily the best thing in the film.
Horror and genre film and TV fans may know Brake for his turns in movies like Death Machine, Virtual Terror, Soul Searcher, Batman Begins, The Black Dahlia, Hannibal Rising, Detention, Thor: The Dark World, Kingsman: The Secret Service, The Cannibal in the Jungle, The Chameleon, Perfect Skin, Mandy, Zombie's Halloween II and, appropriately enough, Doom.
Meanwhile, he's been on TV in such shows as Mob City, Grimm, The Bastard Executioner, Peaky Blinders, Ray Donovan, Absentia, Supernatural, The Royals, Sanctuary, Creeped Out, and perhaps most iconically, as The Night King on Game of Thrones. He's currently starring in Zombie's latest, Three from Hell. He's nothing short of fantastic here, that's for sure.
Alas, he's the lone bright spot in this mostly dreary endeavor, which is kind of like Raze if the cast were both male and female and they were forced to fight to the death with psychotic clowns-for-hire. Only in a Zombie movie would there be such a thing in the first place- though, perhaps tellingly, Doom-Head takes pains to announce that he "ain't no fucking clown" in the opening scene. He's just a psycho, I guess, though he does still wear face paint, so... if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...
As far as I could tell, the central conceit is that a bunch of crazy rich people have random travelers passing through a particular town in the middle of nowhere kidnapped and forced to fight for their lives in a competition that lasts 12 hours, while they bet on who will be left standing- if anyone. If you can survive the endeavor, then you will be set free. If not, well, then you don't survive, period.
The rich people in question include several Zombie semi-regulars, including Malcolm McDowell (Halloween I & II), as the announcer, Father Napoleon-Horatio-Silas Murder (lol) and Judy Geeson (The Lords of Salem) as Sister Dragon, the highest roller of the bunch, along with new recruit Jane Carr (Crazy as Hell) as Sister Serpent. These three at least seem to be having fun, with McDowell in particular camping it up, looking like he's doing Amadeus cosplay while doing a variation on his Caligula and/or Alex of A Clockwork Orange fame, acting approach-wise.
The main cast features, of course, Zombie's wife, Sheri Moon, who's fine as Charly, but, not unlike her husband, somewhat going through the motions, after her career-best performance in Salem. Given that she's not the villain here, either, she does tone it down considerably from her earlier work, though nowhere near as much as she did in Salem. Here, she plays a carnival worker- a dancer, as far as I could tell- that is one of the top draws, for obvious reasons.
The crew also includes more Salem vets, notably Jeff Daniel Phillips, also of Halloween II, but perhaps best-known as the Geico "Caveman," as Roscoe Pepper; and Meg Foster (They Live, Masters of the Universe) as Venus Virgo, the wily, wiry ring-leader of said carnival. Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, of Cooley High and Welcome Back, Kotter fame, plays Panda Thomas, a Jamaican with a taste for the weed- duh- while Kevin Jackson (Rosewood, The Girl) plays Levon, his best bud besides actual bud. The rest don't last long.
The clowns include the diminutive, Spanish-speaking Pancho Moler as Sick-Head, a Nazi midget (!); Lew Temple (who was in both Halloween and The Devil's Rejects) and David Ury (Lodge 49, Fear, Inc.) as the psychotic, chainsaw-wielding brothers Psycho-Head and Schizo-Head; Torsten Voges (The Big Lebowski, Lords of Salem) and E.G. Daily (Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, The Devil's Rejects- also the voice of Tommy Pickles on Rugrats and Buttercup on The Powerpuff Girls) as the odd German-spouting couple, Death-Head and Sex-Head. I had a mad crush on Daily growing up, so it's always nice to see her, and she still looks pretty good, I might add, even pushing 60.
I can't say I was particularly scared by 31, but then, I've never found Zombie's films to be very scary in the first place. More like entertainingly trashy and very much in keeping with the exploitation flicks of the 70's, and perhaps, at best, a little intense at times- but scary? Not so much.
If anything, I found the Nazi dwarf to be more laughable than chill-inducing, and Sex & Death seemed more like a horror knock-off of the South African techno-rap duo Die Antwoord than Mickey & Mallory Knox, the German version. I halfway expected Flula Borg to emerge from the darkness in the rafters and drop some sick beats while colored lights started flashing, lol.
However, speaking of music, I did quite enjoy the soundtrack, which is far and away one of Zombie's most consistent elements of his films, which, of course, makes perfect sense, being as how he began his career as a musician, not a filmmaker. Here, he tosses in his usual grab-bag of classic rock-era hits, including choice cuts from James Gang (aka Joe Walsh and company), Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Mamas and the Papas and Aerosmith, alongside quirkier efforts from Al Bowlly, Kitty Wells, Ernest Tubb and Chris Harris & The Soul Agents. The score itself is by Zombie and frequent collaborators John 5, Zeuss and Bob Marlette. I particularly dug the closing title instrumental, "The Show Must Go On."
Also worth a mention is the excellent set design and art direction from, respectively, Siobhan O'Brien (The Human Centipede III, TV's YOU) and Kevin Houlihan (Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Avengers: Infinity War & Endgame). Yes, the set is grimy and dirty-looking as per usual in a Zombie film, and the illustrations are typically retro Zombie oddness, but it absolutely does stand out in certain sequences, notably the Chainsaw Brothers showdown and the lair of the rich people.
Beyond that, though, this is all business as usual for Zombie. Nothing new, nothing that's going to win him over any new fans, for sure. You're either in or out at this point, and that's seems to suit Zombie just fine, which is too bad, as he showed real ambition for something different in Salem. The problem is, even the fans are starting to turn on him at this point, if the overwhelmingly negative reviews I saw for the film online are any indication.
I've said this before, but it bears repeating: I think Zombie has genuine talent, if only he could get out of his own way. He's long threatened to do a Groucho Marx biopic, and I'd love to see that- but only if someone else did the writing honors. The problem is that Zombie's scripts tend to be one-note: everyone talks the same, and most everyone acts the same. It's often hard to tell who we're supposed to be rooting for- the main cast... or the villains.
I get that its by design, but it'd be nice to see Zombie apply his visual aesthetic, which can often be stunning, to something more worthy, subject matter-wise. Just think of a Marx biopic directed by Zombie, but written by old pros like Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski, of Ed Wood, Man in the Moon and People vs. Larry Flynt fame. In fact, Wikipedia says that they already wrote a script about the Marx Brothers as it is- all they'd have to do is switch the focus to Groucho and they're in business.
One thing's for sure, though: the center cannot hold. If advance word of Three from Hell, his third film in the ongoing Firefly Family saga, is any indication, Zombie should have quit while he was ahead. If he's going to hold on to his fanbase, then he really needs to mix it up a bit for his next film. If not with the Groucho flick, then something else that's going to surprise people. Whatever the case, even the fans are getting restless at this point, and that's never a good sign.
31 isn't the worst film I've ever seen, contrary to some people's hyperbole to that end- it's just the sound of Zombie treading water. I suppose one could do a lot worse for their Halloween viewing- but they could also do a damn sight better, too, especially as the Halloween elements are arbitrary at best. Check it out, if you're a fan, but all others need not apply. Even the fans may find themselves at a loss for this one, though, sorry to say. 😞
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