There are certain films with which you just have to toss conventional film criticism out the window. Piranha 3-D is such a film. I mean, let’s face it, the film’s not trying to be Inception or whatever.
That said, the Piranha series has a surprisingly impressive pedigree. The first was deemed Spielberg’s fave Jaws knockoff, and he went on to hire director Joe Dante to direct the classic Gremlins films.
Producer Roger Corman, who set the series into motion in the first place, has put many a big name on the map, having given everyone from Jack Nicholson to Martin Scorsese their first big break.
The first film boasts no less than indie darling John Sayles (Lone Star) as the screenwriter, and the second was directed by none other than James Cameron. Maybe you’ve heard of him.
Piranha 3-D is no different. In fact, given that the aforementioned talent were involved in the films before their bigger successes, Piranha 3-D is even more impressive in that it boasts several bona fide Oscar winners among its cast. Elizabeth Shue (Leaving Las Vegas) is the appealing lead, and Jaws star Richard Dreyfuss pops in for a cool cameo as his character from that film.
I don’t think any Oscars are in store for this particular film for anyone concerned, but it’s a hell of a lot of fun, and probably the only film anyone will ever see featuring Oscar winners to have the line: “They took my penis!” in it. (And, you better believe that actual item is in 3-D…yep, it’s that kind of film.) In fact, body parts don’t fair too well on the whole in Piranha 3-D.
The fun starts when some prehistoric piranhas are released into the waters of Lake Victoria (actually Lake Havasu, Arizona) and start doing as prehistoric piranha are wont to do.
Sheriff Forester (Shue) tries to keep the fearsome fish in line, with an assist from Pulp Fiction-star Ving Rhames as her deputy, and Parks and Rec-vet Adam Scott as a fish-spert, along with mad scientist Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future).
Meanwhile, her kiddies, led by Vampire Diaries-star Steven McQueen- yep, they’re related- are in various hairy (or fishy, I suppose, if we must) situations at the same time. McQueen is off hitching a ride with a Girls Gone Wild Joe Francis-type, Derrick (perfectly-cast Jerry O’Connell, who utters the aforementioned line) and his gaggle of gals.
The eye candy includes Gossip Girl Jessica Szohr, Brit pin-up girl Kelly Brook (The Italian Job), and real-life porn stars like Riley Steele. Eli Roth (Inglourious Basterds) also crops up, as- what else?- a wet t-shirt commentator. By now, you probably know from that cast alone whether this flick is your cup of tea.
The script, by Josh Stolberg and Peter Goldfinger (coolest last name ever)- who also wrote the Sorority Row remake, which had its moments- isn’t Shakespeare, much less Sayles, but it gets the job done, and features some pretty amusing, imminently-quotable dialogue.
Okay, most of it is pretty sophomoric, with more gratuitous nudity and gore than you can shake a severed penis at, but it’s nothing if not fun, especially in 3-D.
Admittedly, one wishes the talented director Alexandre Aja would stop remaking stuff like The Hills Have Eyes and Mirrors and live up to the promise of his excellent, original slasher-movie tribute High Tension, but at least he seems to be having a good time here, which is more than can be said for most of his other films.
Piranha 3-D is like an unearthed 80’s-style artifact, in fact. I can’t remember seeing something so gleefully violent in many a moon, at least until this year, what with the likes of The Expendables and the upcoming Machete clogging the theaters lately. After all that torture porn stuff, over-the-top, footloose-and-fancy-free gore is a good thing, IMHO.
What makes it great is that the film never takes itself seriously. It just delivers the goods for the people who like this sort of thing, plain and simple. You may not care for some of the stuff that floats your way- especially in 3-D - but some of it is admittedly entertaining, especially for horror fans.
I can’t say I can recommend it for the highbrow crowd, but hey, it worked for John Sayles. Maybe it’ll work for you, too. Either way, it’s fun way to wrap up the summer, and hopefully a sign of good things to come, as we ease into the inevitable Halloween horror shows. Viva la Piranha!
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